Wells Family Update
Our family has been in transition for some time. Debbie and I had talked about these years. As children grow up, they leave home. They get married. They have children. When six of your eight children are only eight years apart, there can be major transitions every year once they are older than 18.
Sometimes I reflect on the good ole days. The good ole days for me are when our family was so stable and predictable year after year. I knew that when I got home from work, all of my family would be at home when I walked in the door. We would all gather together for dinner and have our evenings together unless there was some kind of special event.
The good ole days started coming to an end when our oldest started driving. When he graduated from high school, life for our family really started changing and it seems that every year now another child gets their drivers license and another one graduates from high school.
When we were living the good ole days, Debbie and I thought that those would be the hardest years of our life. It seems so hard when you have so many little ones to care for 24/7.
My son Josh has told his siblings in high school that those days are the easiest days of their life and they need to enjoy it. If you are the parent of many young children, I would tell you the same thing. Those days are not easy but they were the easiest days of our life and you need to enjoy it. Don’t fool yourself by thinking I can’t wait until my children are old enough to drive or my children are old enough to leave home. With greater freedom always comes greater responsibility for you and for them and great transitions bring great change that is really hard.
Debbie and I never anticipated just how many great transitions we would have to make and how much our lives would change. In my childhood, I started making great transitions when I was only three because my mother died. I attended six different grades schools, lived in seven different homes, and had two different step mothers by the time I was 12. Those kinds of things happen when your mother dies and your dad is an alcoholic.
One of my greatest goals as a parent was to have a stable home for my children. It is one of the reasons that we have lived in the same home for 19 years and I have worked at the same church for 24 years. It is one of the reasons that we educated our children at home. It is one of the reasons we traveled to the same vacation location in Colorado for over 20 years. Divorce was never an option, only death. Then the unexpected happened!
I have grieved for my children because they have had to make changes I never wanted them to have to make, especially when one is only 11. I know what it is like to have to make great changes as a child. I also know what it is like to be eleven, sixteen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, and twenty-two and not have a mother. Mom’s presence creates greater daily stability. Mom’s absence gives you an uneasy feeling about what things will be like tomorrow.
For this reason and so many more we all miss Mom, everyday. We have adjusted so much. It is not as hard. The waves of grief are not as frequent or as large most of the time. We are laughing again, a lot. Dad is more pleasant, I think. We make plans for the future. We dare to dream again.
But we are better acquainted with just how fragile we are and how fragile are plans are!
I am so grateful that I have rock to stand on that does not move when our life changes or when the unexpected occurs. It has been hard but our foundation is firm. We have felt the powerful winds but our Rock has held secure.
“On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand.” Thank you Jesus for being our Rock.
Zach is moving to Macon, Georgia this weekend to help my good friend Bob Hoffman who is the head men’s basketball coach at Mercer University. Zach will be finishing his degree at Macon State University and living with the Hoffman’s. What a gracious family and such dear friends.
Caleb has enlisted in the Army. He is stationed at Fort Sill in Lawton, Oklahoma for his basic training. He left yesterday and will be there for nine weeks before getting his next assignment. Please pray for his safety.
Jacob is still selling cars and getting ready to move into a new place.
Grace is working for a foundation called the Burbage Foundation. This foundation promotes family values thru out the state of Oklahoma.
Josh and Jill are expecting their third child in November.
Jeremiah, Mercy, and William are preparing for another year at Christian Heritage Academy. School begins August 20.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
An e-mail from one of Debbie's Friends
Hello Jerry,
You don't know me... I was a Creative Memories Consultant in Oklahoma City several years ago, and through CM I met Debbie. Debbie and I were not close...we were simply friendly acquaintances over a period of a few years. I would see her at CM meetings and events, or we would exchange an email if we were looking for products for our customers.
In January of 2006, God moved my little family to Virginia. I lost touch with many friends and acquaintances from Oklahoma City, but there are some people whom God brings to my mind regularly. Debbie is one of them. I can't tell you how often I've thought of her since moving to Virginia, nor can I explain how how our brief and not very deeply-developed relationship could have fostered such remembrance.
There is an incident in particular that I remember frequently. Debbie and I both started training for a marathon at about the same time. She would sometimes mention her running at our CM meetings. Shortly before the OKC Memorial Marathon that year (I think it was 2004), I ran into Debbie at Lake Hefner. We were both doing a training run... she was with a friend and I was with a group. When Debbie saw me, she literally reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me close beside her and began chatting with me, never missing a step as she walked briskly along (she and I were both doing the "run / walk" method of training), and treating me as though I were a long lost friend. I was enveloped in her energy and warmth. I was astonished. I was blessed. It was one of those seemingly insignificant moments in life that for whatever reason stays with me and replays over and over in memory.
Due to an ill-timed bout of stomach flu that spring, I did not complete the full marathon but chose to run the half instead. Debbie ran the full and completed it in great form for a first timer. I think her time was under 5:30. A year later, I emailed Debbie to see if she had run the OKC Marathon again. She had... and said she felt even better the second time through it. I had put my marathon training on hold by then, but I knew that one day I would get through those 26.2 miles and that inspiration would come in part from remembering how Debbie Wells made up her mind to run a marathon and did it... just like that!
Yesterday, May 4th, 2008, I ran those 26.2 miles. Today as I sat feeling the satisfaction of having gone the distance, I thought of Debbie. I wanted to let her know that I finally did it. I wondered if she had run the OKC Memorial again this year and decided to google her name on the web. I expected to find marathon race results. I found instead a heart wrenching account of Debbie's last year on earth. I am stunned.
Beyond the jolt of realizing that Debbie is gone, I am also moved by your account of the impact this has had on you. By articulating some of what has gone on within you through losing Debbie, you open windows for others to be able to look inside themselves. I am small compared to many others of faith. I'm often a coward... a skeptic. As I read your honest writing about pain mixed with praise for God, I felt encouraged. Thank you.
I pray that God will continue to reveal His exquisite nature to you even as He has you walk the excruciating path of having lost your best friend here on earth.
Peace,
Kim Ray
You don't know me... I was a Creative Memories Consultant in Oklahoma City several years ago, and through CM I met Debbie. Debbie and I were not close...we were simply friendly acquaintances over a period of a few years. I would see her at CM meetings and events, or we would exchange an email if we were looking for products for our customers.
In January of 2006, God moved my little family to Virginia. I lost touch with many friends and acquaintances from Oklahoma City, but there are some people whom God brings to my mind regularly. Debbie is one of them. I can't tell you how often I've thought of her since moving to Virginia, nor can I explain how how our brief and not very deeply-developed relationship could have fostered such remembrance.
There is an incident in particular that I remember frequently. Debbie and I both started training for a marathon at about the same time. She would sometimes mention her running at our CM meetings. Shortly before the OKC Memorial Marathon that year (I think it was 2004), I ran into Debbie at Lake Hefner. We were both doing a training run... she was with a friend and I was with a group. When Debbie saw me, she literally reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me close beside her and began chatting with me, never missing a step as she walked briskly along (she and I were both doing the "run / walk" method of training), and treating me as though I were a long lost friend. I was enveloped in her energy and warmth. I was astonished. I was blessed. It was one of those seemingly insignificant moments in life that for whatever reason stays with me and replays over and over in memory.
Due to an ill-timed bout of stomach flu that spring, I did not complete the full marathon but chose to run the half instead. Debbie ran the full and completed it in great form for a first timer. I think her time was under 5:30. A year later, I emailed Debbie to see if she had run the OKC Marathon again. She had... and said she felt even better the second time through it. I had put my marathon training on hold by then, but I knew that one day I would get through those 26.2 miles and that inspiration would come in part from remembering how Debbie Wells made up her mind to run a marathon and did it... just like that!
Yesterday, May 4th, 2008, I ran those 26.2 miles. Today as I sat feeling the satisfaction of having gone the distance, I thought of Debbie. I wanted to let her know that I finally did it. I wondered if she had run the OKC Memorial again this year and decided to google her name on the web. I expected to find marathon race results. I found instead a heart wrenching account of Debbie's last year on earth. I am stunned.
Beyond the jolt of realizing that Debbie is gone, I am also moved by your account of the impact this has had on you. By articulating some of what has gone on within you through losing Debbie, you open windows for others to be able to look inside themselves. I am small compared to many others of faith. I'm often a coward... a skeptic. As I read your honest writing about pain mixed with praise for God, I felt encouraged. Thank you.
I pray that God will continue to reveal His exquisite nature to you even as He has you walk the excruciating path of having lost your best friend here on earth.
Peace,
Kim Ray
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Update From Grace On May 3, 2008-Why?
Why? It seems i ask this question more than any other. Saturday will be one year since my mom left this world to spend eternity in heaven with Jesus. I know she is no longer suffering and she is having an awesome time sitting there at Jesus' feet taking it all in. But why did she have to leave us now?
Coming up on this one year anniversary has been almost as hard as when she died. Every morning i wake up wishing i could just talk to her and tell her what is going on in my life.So much has happened since last year. I graduated, got a job, Josh and Jill Gwyn and Caedmon moved in with us, my three younger siblings are going to Christian Heritage Academy (which was one of mom's dreams) , Josh is about to graduate from law school, Jill is going to have another baby, holidays, birthdays, and so much more that mom is not here to experience with us. Why?Last week all of us kids and dad sat around remembering things about mom, talking about what we miss. If you ever met my mom you would know her gift was words of encouragement. You could be having the crappiest day and just talking to her would make everything seem better. Even when she was so sick in her hospital bed, the cancer eating away her life, every time we walked into that room she had the biggest smile on her face and no matter how much pain she was in she would focus on us and how we were doing. So, why? I remember that day, Thursday May 3rd waking up not knowing what the day would hold. I remember praying and hoping that God would heal her and take away all the pain (that was every one's prayer) and He did. She is not hurting anymore, mom always wanted to conduct a choir and orchestra, i know that's what she is doing now in heaven glorifying God in everything. But still why?Why does my dad have to go on with out the love of his life, the one person who understood him best and loved him through everything. Why does my 11 year old brother have to go on without his mother to help him through. The rest of s kids have to go on without our number one "cheerleader" in our lives. Our kids will never know how awesome their Nana was. Why?Through this entire circumstance the six months she was sick, her death, and now one year later I still don't know why.
It seemed through the whole ordeal there was no God, i had that thought so many times. I would think if there is a God why would He let this happen? Then i would see my mom and her faith and my dad and his faith and i could see the life my mom lived effected so many people and it is only because of Christ i had such and amazing mother who has left a lasting legacy for me and my brothers and sister and her grandchildren and so many others.
So now my question is no longer why, because i will never get that answer till i am face to face with my savior. Now i ask what, Lord what do You want me to do with this awesome testimony of my mom? Lord what do You want me to learn through this whole situation? Everything is going to be ok, i am going to be ok, my family is going to be ok. It is only because of Jesus Christ we can say thank you, thank you for all you have done for me and my family. Lord teach us to grow closer to you and trust you in everything no matter the circumstances. I love you mom, and can't wait to see you again!..
Coming up on this one year anniversary has been almost as hard as when she died. Every morning i wake up wishing i could just talk to her and tell her what is going on in my life.So much has happened since last year. I graduated, got a job, Josh and Jill Gwyn and Caedmon moved in with us, my three younger siblings are going to Christian Heritage Academy (which was one of mom's dreams) , Josh is about to graduate from law school, Jill is going to have another baby, holidays, birthdays, and so much more that mom is not here to experience with us. Why?Last week all of us kids and dad sat around remembering things about mom, talking about what we miss. If you ever met my mom you would know her gift was words of encouragement. You could be having the crappiest day and just talking to her would make everything seem better. Even when she was so sick in her hospital bed, the cancer eating away her life, every time we walked into that room she had the biggest smile on her face and no matter how much pain she was in she would focus on us and how we were doing. So, why? I remember that day, Thursday May 3rd waking up not knowing what the day would hold. I remember praying and hoping that God would heal her and take away all the pain (that was every one's prayer) and He did. She is not hurting anymore, mom always wanted to conduct a choir and orchestra, i know that's what she is doing now in heaven glorifying God in everything. But still why?Why does my dad have to go on with out the love of his life, the one person who understood him best and loved him through everything. Why does my 11 year old brother have to go on without his mother to help him through. The rest of s kids have to go on without our number one "cheerleader" in our lives. Our kids will never know how awesome their Nana was. Why?Through this entire circumstance the six months she was sick, her death, and now one year later I still don't know why.
It seemed through the whole ordeal there was no God, i had that thought so many times. I would think if there is a God why would He let this happen? Then i would see my mom and her faith and my dad and his faith and i could see the life my mom lived effected so many people and it is only because of Christ i had such and amazing mother who has left a lasting legacy for me and my brothers and sister and her grandchildren and so many others.
So now my question is no longer why, because i will never get that answer till i am face to face with my savior. Now i ask what, Lord what do You want me to do with this awesome testimony of my mom? Lord what do You want me to learn through this whole situation? Everything is going to be ok, i am going to be ok, my family is going to be ok. It is only because of Jesus Christ we can say thank you, thank you for all you have done for me and my family. Lord teach us to grow closer to you and trust you in everything no matter the circumstances. I love you mom, and can't wait to see you again!..
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
More Firsts
April 3, 2008-More than eleven months have passed since Debbie left us. I have been anticipating this month and how emotional it would be for us. Pray for us.
More firsts for our family since my last update. February 12, our first anniversary of Debbie’s birthday on earth without her. February 14, our first Valentine’s Day on earth without her. March 14-21, our first family vacation on earth without her. March 23, our first Easter and our first Easter pictures without her. March 24, Will’s first birthday without his Mom. Will is now eleven.
All of these firsts without Debbie are very difficult for all of my family. I am so proud of my children. I know they are hurting at times. I am amazed they handle it so gracefully. They miss their Mom so much but they are adjusting and are learning how to enjoy life without her. I am so grateful that they have come so far in such a short period of time.
It is my tradition to lay my hands on my children and bless them in prayer on their birthday. As I started to pray for Will, I noticed that he removed something from his pocket and held it in his hand. It was the clinging cross that his mother held so much the last few weeks of her life.
As I prayed for him for his birthday, clinging to that cross was his way of remembering his mom on his birthday. Clinging to that cross was his way of trying to feel close to her on his birthday. Clinging to that cross was his way of having hope that one day they will be reunited. Clinging to that cross was his way of expressing his faith that he could be successful without his mom.
One day I asked Will why he seemed to grieve more over the death of his granny in 2004 then he did his mother in 2007. Will said to me emphatically, “I did not understand then where granny went. I know where Mom is!” Thank you Will!
My beloved Mom Joy Burgess has suffered much in the last six weeks. She has always gone beyond the call of duty to care for us. Now she is the recipient. It started with a bout of pneumonia. She then broke a finger on her left hand. She then fell and severely broke her right arm. Our family doctor called it the perfect storm. Nearly two weeks in the hospital and now nearly three weeks recovering at Ginger’s home. The road to recovery is still long but she is determined. God is being merciful to all of us by renewing her strength day by day. Please pray for her.
My sister Sandy had hip surgery. She has suffered for many years with pain in her back. Hopefully this surgery will relief the pain. Please pray for her.
Mercy continues in Physical Therapy to recover from knee surgery. She is working very hard. Things are going well. I am so proud of her.
Josh will graduate from Law School on May 17. What a hero! I am talking about Jill. What would Josh do without a wife like Jill? On Easter Sunday, they announced that grandchild number three was on the way.
Josh has worked full time for the last four years to support his family while completing law school at nights. He has been the executive editor for the OCU Law Review. He ranks very high in his class and even higher in our eyes. I am so proud of him as are all the Wells. Because of his character, he is a brother to be admired and followed. Congratulations Josh!
More firsts for our family since my last update. February 12, our first anniversary of Debbie’s birthday on earth without her. February 14, our first Valentine’s Day on earth without her. March 14-21, our first family vacation on earth without her. March 23, our first Easter and our first Easter pictures without her. March 24, Will’s first birthday without his Mom. Will is now eleven.
All of these firsts without Debbie are very difficult for all of my family. I am so proud of my children. I know they are hurting at times. I am amazed they handle it so gracefully. They miss their Mom so much but they are adjusting and are learning how to enjoy life without her. I am so grateful that they have come so far in such a short period of time.
It is my tradition to lay my hands on my children and bless them in prayer on their birthday. As I started to pray for Will, I noticed that he removed something from his pocket and held it in his hand. It was the clinging cross that his mother held so much the last few weeks of her life.
As I prayed for him for his birthday, clinging to that cross was his way of remembering his mom on his birthday. Clinging to that cross was his way of trying to feel close to her on his birthday. Clinging to that cross was his way of having hope that one day they will be reunited. Clinging to that cross was his way of expressing his faith that he could be successful without his mom.
One day I asked Will why he seemed to grieve more over the death of his granny in 2004 then he did his mother in 2007. Will said to me emphatically, “I did not understand then where granny went. I know where Mom is!” Thank you Will!
My beloved Mom Joy Burgess has suffered much in the last six weeks. She has always gone beyond the call of duty to care for us. Now she is the recipient. It started with a bout of pneumonia. She then broke a finger on her left hand. She then fell and severely broke her right arm. Our family doctor called it the perfect storm. Nearly two weeks in the hospital and now nearly three weeks recovering at Ginger’s home. The road to recovery is still long but she is determined. God is being merciful to all of us by renewing her strength day by day. Please pray for her.
My sister Sandy had hip surgery. She has suffered for many years with pain in her back. Hopefully this surgery will relief the pain. Please pray for her.
Mercy continues in Physical Therapy to recover from knee surgery. She is working very hard. Things are going well. I am so proud of her.
Josh will graduate from Law School on May 17. What a hero! I am talking about Jill. What would Josh do without a wife like Jill? On Easter Sunday, they announced that grandchild number three was on the way.
Josh has worked full time for the last four years to support his family while completing law school at nights. He has been the executive editor for the OCU Law Review. He ranks very high in his class and even higher in our eyes. I am so proud of him as are all the Wells. Because of his character, he is a brother to be admired and followed. Congratulations Josh!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Mercy's Surgery
What a courageous little girl. I only saw one little tear just before they took her back to operate on her knee. I am sure that tear was for her mother but I did not ask.
We were back at the same surgery center where we were just a year ago. Grace had the very same injury and surgery. Debbie was there a year ago; the same surgery center; the same waiting area; you get the picture. Debbie had just received a great report on February 8. The cancer was in remission. She was feeling good. We never expected she would only be with us for just ten more weeks.
There is no one like Mom in these circumstances. We all try to fill the gap. Our support system is broader and stronger than most families. Grandmother Joy, Aunt Teresa, Aunt Ginger, brother Zach, sister Grace; sister in law Jill and my two grand babies were all there. We had a visit from Odus, one of our Pastors at church; many calls, text messages, and e-mails from family and friends. Thank you! But there is no one like Mom. She was greatly missed; again; by Mercy; by all of us.
Dr. Low was exceptional as we would expect. He has now done six surgeries on four of my children. He is so meticulous and compassionate; a rare combination. He covers every detail of the procedure. Then he leads us in prayer entrusting his patient and his skills to the chief physician.
Everything went according to plan; torn ACL in right knee replaced by a hamstring harvested from Mercy’s right leg and torn lateral meniscus removed without incident.
Mercy was Mercy; like her mother; thinking and caring about everyone else; full of gratefulness for everything that anyone did for her; smiling; apologizing for being so much trouble; encouraging; always encouraging.
So Debbie was there; again thru one of her children; her legacy lives on. Thank you Mercy!
And Jesus was there; again thru many of His children; His legacy lives on. Thank you Jesus!
Jerry
P.S. Mercy is recovering at home.
We were back at the same surgery center where we were just a year ago. Grace had the very same injury and surgery. Debbie was there a year ago; the same surgery center; the same waiting area; you get the picture. Debbie had just received a great report on February 8. The cancer was in remission. She was feeling good. We never expected she would only be with us for just ten more weeks.
There is no one like Mom in these circumstances. We all try to fill the gap. Our support system is broader and stronger than most families. Grandmother Joy, Aunt Teresa, Aunt Ginger, brother Zach, sister Grace; sister in law Jill and my two grand babies were all there. We had a visit from Odus, one of our Pastors at church; many calls, text messages, and e-mails from family and friends. Thank you! But there is no one like Mom. She was greatly missed; again; by Mercy; by all of us.
Dr. Low was exceptional as we would expect. He has now done six surgeries on four of my children. He is so meticulous and compassionate; a rare combination. He covers every detail of the procedure. Then he leads us in prayer entrusting his patient and his skills to the chief physician.
Everything went according to plan; torn ACL in right knee replaced by a hamstring harvested from Mercy’s right leg and torn lateral meniscus removed without incident.
Mercy was Mercy; like her mother; thinking and caring about everyone else; full of gratefulness for everything that anyone did for her; smiling; apologizing for being so much trouble; encouraging; always encouraging.
So Debbie was there; again thru one of her children; her legacy lives on. Thank you Mercy!
And Jesus was there; again thru many of His children; His legacy lives on. Thank you Jesus!
Jerry
P.S. Mercy is recovering at home.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Debbie's Birthday, February 12, From Teresa Burgess
It's funny how it's the little things - the little reminders about a person - that come to mean the most when he/she is gone.
What stands out to me today in thinking of Debbie is her laugh. Genuine, expressive, bright eyes and a grin truly as big as Texas! Then it hit me! I rarely remember Debbie's tears. There were those few occasions, but it's the laughter that characterized her life. People loved that about Debbie because they knew that they could joke and tease and have fun with Debbie and she would just laugh right along with them! Her laugh engaged people and made them feel comfortable in her presence.
I had a major meltdown this morning and felt a little depressed. Then, as memories of Debbie laughing through the years invaded my thinking , it was like I was not just remembering but really experiencing all over again the joy of her laughter. This happened to me after Dad died, this ability to experience again the impact of his life in new ways and at deeper levels!
Then the Lord whispered, "I'm laughing with Debbie today...in person, in fullness, in glory!" Can you imagine what Debbie's laugh sounds like mingled with Jesus' laugh?
Ahh, Debbie! We miss you, but I would never want you to leave the most holy place. Not ever! We shall join you, soon, and it will be as if we were never separated!
Lord, we long for the day of Your return! Lord, thank You for laughing with Debbie today! I can hear the echoes in the ears of my heart! Truly, it's her best birthday ever! Hallelujah!
Love,
Teresa
What stands out to me today in thinking of Debbie is her laugh. Genuine, expressive, bright eyes and a grin truly as big as Texas! Then it hit me! I rarely remember Debbie's tears. There were those few occasions, but it's the laughter that characterized her life. People loved that about Debbie because they knew that they could joke and tease and have fun with Debbie and she would just laugh right along with them! Her laugh engaged people and made them feel comfortable in her presence.
I had a major meltdown this morning and felt a little depressed. Then, as memories of Debbie laughing through the years invaded my thinking , it was like I was not just remembering but really experiencing all over again the joy of her laughter. This happened to me after Dad died, this ability to experience again the impact of his life in new ways and at deeper levels!
Then the Lord whispered, "I'm laughing with Debbie today...in person, in fullness, in glory!" Can you imagine what Debbie's laugh sounds like mingled with Jesus' laugh?
Ahh, Debbie! We miss you, but I would never want you to leave the most holy place. Not ever! We shall join you, soon, and it will be as if we were never separated!
Lord, we long for the day of Your return! Lord, thank You for laughing with Debbie today! I can hear the echoes in the ears of my heart! Truly, it's her best birthday ever! Hallelujah!
Love,
Teresa
Thursday, February 07, 2008
There Is No God
“There is no God!” On May 3, 2007, I had this thought for the first time since my conversion to Christianity at age 17.
On January 31, I was reviewing income tax records from 2007. I saw some of Debbie’s creative memories records with her hand writing. The reality of her death and our separation hit me again. This will be the last time that I file jointly claiming her as one of my dependents. I had an emotional melt down and this thought came to my mind, “There is no God!”
In spite of my dramatic conversion; in spite of all the blessings and answers to prayer; in spite of the fact that I have preached the bible for 35 years; in spite of the fact that know all of the evidence for the existence of God; at times, during intense grief, I have this thought, “There is no God!”
The logic goes something like this. If there is a God who loves us, He would not have allowed this to happen. He would not allow my eight children and me to live without the single most important human in our life, especially ten year old William. He would not allow us to experience this kind of pain. He would not allow so many others to experience this kind of pain; He would have answered our prayer; if there is a God who loves us.
I know I am not the only one who has this experience. I have heard from others who are having this experience. I have heard from concerned relatives whose loved one is having this experience.
I know the verse. Ps 14:1 says, “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God!” It appears I have joined another fraternity of people in the bible that is not popular with God.
But wait! Jesus prayed a prayer on the cross that sounds a lot like me. Jesus said, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?” Jesus was most popular with God. It must be O.K. to have questions when you are suffering.
This also means God understands me. Since Jesus was God in human flesh, this means Jesus understands all of us fools. This means Jesus died for us fools. This means that Jesus can represent us fools in heaven. This means there is a place for us fools in heaven.
Is it enough for you to know that God understands your doubt and that He has a place for you in heaven in spite of your questions? Is it enough for you to know in spite of your doubt, you are still most popular with God if you are joined to the one who is most popular? Is it enough for you to know that God’s love covers your doubt?
This does not answer my questions. There is not an answer accept, “Trust Me!” And I will. And so will you. We will get through this together trusting God in spite of our questions; in spite of our doubt; in spite of our pain; in spite of……
Faith is trusting God in spite of all the in spite ofs. The logic of faith is sound but limited.
We can live with the questions. We cannot live without God. We cannot allow our questions to cause us to forsake Him. He has not forsaken us. It just feels that way for a season. He understands. Trust Him!
Jerry Wells
Psa. 40:1-3
Various Notes: Mercy is scheduled to have surgery on her knee on February 27. She is already tired of waiting but our faithful and trusted doctor wants all of the swelling to be gone before he operates. February 12 would have been Debbie’s 54th birthday. I hear that Birthdays can be hard for people in our fraternity. You can listen on line to my sermons and get my sermon notes at www.westernhillschurch.com
On January 31, I was reviewing income tax records from 2007. I saw some of Debbie’s creative memories records with her hand writing. The reality of her death and our separation hit me again. This will be the last time that I file jointly claiming her as one of my dependents. I had an emotional melt down and this thought came to my mind, “There is no God!”
In spite of my dramatic conversion; in spite of all the blessings and answers to prayer; in spite of the fact that I have preached the bible for 35 years; in spite of the fact that know all of the evidence for the existence of God; at times, during intense grief, I have this thought, “There is no God!”
The logic goes something like this. If there is a God who loves us, He would not have allowed this to happen. He would not allow my eight children and me to live without the single most important human in our life, especially ten year old William. He would not allow us to experience this kind of pain. He would not allow so many others to experience this kind of pain; He would have answered our prayer; if there is a God who loves us.
I know I am not the only one who has this experience. I have heard from others who are having this experience. I have heard from concerned relatives whose loved one is having this experience.
I know the verse. Ps 14:1 says, “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God!” It appears I have joined another fraternity of people in the bible that is not popular with God.
But wait! Jesus prayed a prayer on the cross that sounds a lot like me. Jesus said, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?” Jesus was most popular with God. It must be O.K. to have questions when you are suffering.
This also means God understands me. Since Jesus was God in human flesh, this means Jesus understands all of us fools. This means Jesus died for us fools. This means that Jesus can represent us fools in heaven. This means there is a place for us fools in heaven.
Is it enough for you to know that God understands your doubt and that He has a place for you in heaven in spite of your questions? Is it enough for you to know in spite of your doubt, you are still most popular with God if you are joined to the one who is most popular? Is it enough for you to know that God’s love covers your doubt?
This does not answer my questions. There is not an answer accept, “Trust Me!” And I will. And so will you. We will get through this together trusting God in spite of our questions; in spite of our doubt; in spite of our pain; in spite of……
Faith is trusting God in spite of all the in spite ofs. The logic of faith is sound but limited.
We can live with the questions. We cannot live without God. We cannot allow our questions to cause us to forsake Him. He has not forsaken us. It just feels that way for a season. He understands. Trust Him!
Jerry Wells
Psa. 40:1-3
Various Notes: Mercy is scheduled to have surgery on her knee on February 27. She is already tired of waiting but our faithful and trusted doctor wants all of the swelling to be gone before he operates. February 12 would have been Debbie’s 54th birthday. I hear that Birthdays can be hard for people in our fraternity. You can listen on line to my sermons and get my sermon notes at www.westernhillschurch.com
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Mercy Marie
Mercy injured her knee. It happened in a basketball game on Friday night. It appears that her knee has some serious damage. We will know for sure after an MRI early next week.
I was not there. I was attending an elders retreat with the elders of our church. After the injury occurred, Mercy’s first response was I have got to get up and get back into the game. It was only after her coach prompted her to lie still that she died to this desire.
After being carried to the bench, Mercy realized her family was not there. She experienced one of those emotional melt downs that we have all grown accustomed to in the last eight months. Mom was gone for good. She would not be coming to comfort her and encourage her.
Within minutes family did arrive. After the game, Mercy felt well enough to go eat and visit with friends. Later that evening, she went with her sister and brother to some of our dear friends to spend the night. In spite of a broken heart and an injured knee, Mercy still enjoyed life and was an encouragement to others.
The human spirit is amazing. It is amazing what we can endure and then still laugh and have hope. I remember the first basketball game Mercy tried to play after her mother died. The game started. She quickly scored her first two points. She listened for that familiar voice cheering her on. She looked to the chair place where her mother would normally sit. Overcome with emotion she ran from the gym and could not continue.
Now, eight months later, she is trying to continue with a bum knee. She still has the melt down but she recovers and is able to still enjoy life and encourage others in spite of a broken heart and a bum knee. These are all signs that she is healing. She has not forgotten. She never will. But her human spirit is strong. I am proud of her!
Mercy is like her mother. She looks like her; what a beauty! She is a social butterfly. She loves people. She hurts when people hurt. She knows how to encourage people. She loves the truth. She quickly discerns the truth. She will speak the truth even when it is difficult. She can speak the truth in such a way that causes you to say spank me again. What a gift!
This did not happen by accident. Debbie was so serious about her legacy and her example to her children. Mercy has chosen to carry on that legacy. It just so happens that she has so many of the natural attributes of her Mom.
I am proud of Mercy. God’s mercy is new every morning and so is my Mercy. Some people can make you dread the future. Mercy gives me hope for a future of other Mercy’s; thanks to her mother and Debbie’s concern for her legacy.
We should never underestimate the impact the way we live will have upon others; especially your children, when they go thru difficult seasons of their life. You will always be remembered for something. You will always have an impact on the choices your children make and how they endure their own personal trials. They will remember you. What will they remember?
I am so grateful to Debbie for leaving me with such a legacy. I am so sorry she had to leave. She could not be there for Mercy Friday night. But she was there; thru Mercy Marie!
I was not there. I was attending an elders retreat with the elders of our church. After the injury occurred, Mercy’s first response was I have got to get up and get back into the game. It was only after her coach prompted her to lie still that she died to this desire.
After being carried to the bench, Mercy realized her family was not there. She experienced one of those emotional melt downs that we have all grown accustomed to in the last eight months. Mom was gone for good. She would not be coming to comfort her and encourage her.
Within minutes family did arrive. After the game, Mercy felt well enough to go eat and visit with friends. Later that evening, she went with her sister and brother to some of our dear friends to spend the night. In spite of a broken heart and an injured knee, Mercy still enjoyed life and was an encouragement to others.
The human spirit is amazing. It is amazing what we can endure and then still laugh and have hope. I remember the first basketball game Mercy tried to play after her mother died. The game started. She quickly scored her first two points. She listened for that familiar voice cheering her on. She looked to the chair place where her mother would normally sit. Overcome with emotion she ran from the gym and could not continue.
Now, eight months later, she is trying to continue with a bum knee. She still has the melt down but she recovers and is able to still enjoy life and encourage others in spite of a broken heart and a bum knee. These are all signs that she is healing. She has not forgotten. She never will. But her human spirit is strong. I am proud of her!
Mercy is like her mother. She looks like her; what a beauty! She is a social butterfly. She loves people. She hurts when people hurt. She knows how to encourage people. She loves the truth. She quickly discerns the truth. She will speak the truth even when it is difficult. She can speak the truth in such a way that causes you to say spank me again. What a gift!
This did not happen by accident. Debbie was so serious about her legacy and her example to her children. Mercy has chosen to carry on that legacy. It just so happens that she has so many of the natural attributes of her Mom.
I am proud of Mercy. God’s mercy is new every morning and so is my Mercy. Some people can make you dread the future. Mercy gives me hope for a future of other Mercy’s; thanks to her mother and Debbie’s concern for her legacy.
We should never underestimate the impact the way we live will have upon others; especially your children, when they go thru difficult seasons of their life. You will always be remembered for something. You will always have an impact on the choices your children make and how they endure their own personal trials. They will remember you. What will they remember?
I am so grateful to Debbie for leaving me with such a legacy. I am so sorry she had to leave. She could not be there for Mercy Friday night. But she was there; thru Mercy Marie!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Discouragement
Debbie used to tell me, “Some people in your family and people that you Pastor do not believe that you have feelings.” I could just roll with the punches without giving any indication that I was suffering; most of the time I was not. If I was suffering, a few minutes on my face would be sufficient to get myself together.
People can be brutal. As James Taylor said, “They will hurt you and desert you; they will take your soul if you let them.”
Death is much worse. There is a good reason it is called the last enemy. There are not adequate words to describe how it devastates your soul. Your soul is never the same.
One of the ways that it has affected my soul is that I get discouraged easier. I was never one to seriously consider throwing in the towel. Pit Bull would describe my determination with regards to something I believed was right. Now I get discouraged easier. Debbie would say at times when she was discouraged, “Lord, just take me home.” Now I understand.
Fortunately I am very open about my feelings of discouragement with those who are closest to me; God first and then the other significant others in my life. I can dump with the best of them.
When you are suffering from discouragement, I hope that you have these kinds of relationships. I hope you have significant others that will let you dump on them.
They need to be good listeners. God certainly is. They need to be willing to listen without preaching to you. They need to be able to say, “I am soooooo…. Sorry.” They need to be able to give you hugs. They need to be compassionate. They need to be able to pray with you and groan with you.
I just described myself, now. This is another way that Death has changed me. I get discouraged easier but I also comfort others better. I guess to have one you have got to have the other. Is it worth it?
I think so. It is certainly worth it to those who know the new me. There letters of response to my updates seem to say so. This gives me hope in the midst of the pain. There is something dynamic that happens in our soul when we are helping others that are suffering. It increases our capacity and our willingness to endure pain. It heals our own soul. If we are not actively helping others, we do not see the purpose. It does not seem to be worth it.
I am a Pastor. I have a pulpit. I have an audience on the internet as well. Most people do not have these avenues. Find one! That’s my advice. Find an avenue to help people who are suffering like you are suffering. Join a grief support group in your church or your community; not for you; for them. Start serving a local hospital. I know people who spend a few hours each week just holding babies who are suffering. Make a list of lonely shut ins and start visiting them. There is always the local nursing home.
It will change you. It will heal you; over time; but not completely. I believe God will always allow us to hurt to some degree over our loss. It makes us a better minister. Join me!
People can be brutal. As James Taylor said, “They will hurt you and desert you; they will take your soul if you let them.”
Death is much worse. There is a good reason it is called the last enemy. There are not adequate words to describe how it devastates your soul. Your soul is never the same.
One of the ways that it has affected my soul is that I get discouraged easier. I was never one to seriously consider throwing in the towel. Pit Bull would describe my determination with regards to something I believed was right. Now I get discouraged easier. Debbie would say at times when she was discouraged, “Lord, just take me home.” Now I understand.
Fortunately I am very open about my feelings of discouragement with those who are closest to me; God first and then the other significant others in my life. I can dump with the best of them.
When you are suffering from discouragement, I hope that you have these kinds of relationships. I hope you have significant others that will let you dump on them.
They need to be good listeners. God certainly is. They need to be willing to listen without preaching to you. They need to be able to say, “I am soooooo…. Sorry.” They need to be able to give you hugs. They need to be compassionate. They need to be able to pray with you and groan with you.
I just described myself, now. This is another way that Death has changed me. I get discouraged easier but I also comfort others better. I guess to have one you have got to have the other. Is it worth it?
I think so. It is certainly worth it to those who know the new me. There letters of response to my updates seem to say so. This gives me hope in the midst of the pain. There is something dynamic that happens in our soul when we are helping others that are suffering. It increases our capacity and our willingness to endure pain. It heals our own soul. If we are not actively helping others, we do not see the purpose. It does not seem to be worth it.
I am a Pastor. I have a pulpit. I have an audience on the internet as well. Most people do not have these avenues. Find one! That’s my advice. Find an avenue to help people who are suffering like you are suffering. Join a grief support group in your church or your community; not for you; for them. Start serving a local hospital. I know people who spend a few hours each week just holding babies who are suffering. Make a list of lonely shut ins and start visiting them. There is always the local nursing home.
It will change you. It will heal you; over time; but not completely. I believe God will always allow us to hurt to some degree over our loss. It makes us a better minister. Join me!
Monday, January 07, 2008
The New Year
Our Christmas holidays were better than I anticipated. We certainly had our moments. But overall, we enjoyed the holidays. If you have been where we have been, you know that is an absolute miracle. You tend to wonder in your dark times if you will ever feel happy again without also experiencing suffocating sorrow. Three of my older children told me that it was the best Christmas Eve they had ever experienced. And Christmas Day with the Burgess and Richey tribe is always delightful.
Now we face our very first new year without Debbie. One of my best friends and Debbie’s best friends recently said to me, “The older I get, the less I know.” Tragedy like ours makes you feel this way. Certainly this does not mean I know less of God’s moral code or the scripture. I am a lot wiser today than I was at age 17 when Jesus found me. Certainly this does not refer my knowledge of God’s love and how I need to show it to others. That has grown as well.
The less I know refers to the way God chooses to show His love to us. His ways are higher than our ways.
Do you believe that God always does what is best for us? Isn’t that one of the definitions of love? Somehow God always does what is best for His glory and what is best for His children. They are like two rails of a rail road track with regards to God’s plan for our life.
This means every tragedy is best for God’s glory and best for us. This means a husband losing his beloved wife is best for him. This means a ten year old boy losing his mother is best for him. This means “The older I get, the less I know.” Get it?
This also means the older I get the less I know what is best for other people with regards to God’s glory and God’s will. Once again, I can tell anyone it is not best to violate God’s moral code. The consequences will be very painful. But with regards to so many other decisions that people make. “The older I get, the less I know.”
If it is best for children to lose their mother during the prime of her life and I am not their father, who am I to say what is best for those children and their future? Who am I to say what is best for you? “The older I get, the less I know.”
In 2008, come on down off your throne and join me down here with the rest of us former know it alls. Come on down before your next tragedy knocks you down. We are a lot less critical down here and a lot more compassionate and understanding. We are a lot happier. We are also easier to like; like my beloved Debbie Wells. I am sorry that it took her death for me to understand.
Now we face our very first new year without Debbie. One of my best friends and Debbie’s best friends recently said to me, “The older I get, the less I know.” Tragedy like ours makes you feel this way. Certainly this does not mean I know less of God’s moral code or the scripture. I am a lot wiser today than I was at age 17 when Jesus found me. Certainly this does not refer my knowledge of God’s love and how I need to show it to others. That has grown as well.
The less I know refers to the way God chooses to show His love to us. His ways are higher than our ways.
Do you believe that God always does what is best for us? Isn’t that one of the definitions of love? Somehow God always does what is best for His glory and what is best for His children. They are like two rails of a rail road track with regards to God’s plan for our life.
This means every tragedy is best for God’s glory and best for us. This means a husband losing his beloved wife is best for him. This means a ten year old boy losing his mother is best for him. This means “The older I get, the less I know.” Get it?
This also means the older I get the less I know what is best for other people with regards to God’s glory and God’s will. Once again, I can tell anyone it is not best to violate God’s moral code. The consequences will be very painful. But with regards to so many other decisions that people make. “The older I get, the less I know.”
If it is best for children to lose their mother during the prime of her life and I am not their father, who am I to say what is best for those children and their future? Who am I to say what is best for you? “The older I get, the less I know.”
In 2008, come on down off your throne and join me down here with the rest of us former know it alls. Come on down before your next tragedy knocks you down. We are a lot less critical down here and a lot more compassionate and understanding. We are a lot happier. We are also easier to like; like my beloved Debbie Wells. I am sorry that it took her death for me to understand.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmas Day 2007
On this Christmas Day 2007 I am not writing to the general masses. I am writing this to those whose heart is shattered; to those who have lost a love; to those whose love has been rejected or not reciprocated.
Not everyone has this experience. There are those who live and die without ever losing the love of their life. They precede their love in death or they never fall in love. There are those who live and die without ever having their love rejected. They never fall in love without the feeling being mutual. Everyone’s heart is broken by certain losses. But not everyone knows what it means to have their heart shattered by these particular kinds of losses.
Losing the love of your life and falling in love with someone who does not fall in love with you are very similar experiences. There are no words to describe the pain. We use words like broken, shattered, and devastated but these words are only words. They do not capture the feeling.
I have had both of these experiences. I realize now how many people are hurting and suffering from these experiences. People in this world are hurting.
If you are one of these people, please give me a moment of your time. There is something I need to say to you. Be comforted to know that the love that you have felt for someone is the love that Jesus has for you.
We say it so tritely; for God so loved the world. We think that it only describes God’s intent or motive. We do not think of His love as the same kind of passion that we experience for the love of our life.
God created us in His image. We got this passion from Him. He has it toward you.
It is so hard to believe that God loves us that way. It is not accompanied by any kind of sensual desire but the passion is the same.
This first donned on me when I was just a teen. It released in me a torrent of praise and passion for God that has marked my life ever since. I started loving Him when I finally realized He loved me this way.
Go ahead and believe it. The incarnation is sufficient evidence that what I am saying is true. The cross is another witness.
God never loses the love of His life. Death is just a door to a new level of relationship. But He does love many who do not love Him.
Can God grieve? The Holy Spirit can and the Holy Spirit is a member of the Holy trinity. God grieves when the feeling of love is not mutual. He understands your pain if you have lost your love or your love has been rejected. Because He loves you He weeps with you.
This somehow comforts me and gives me peace. I am not alone. The Sovereign ruler of all that we see and all that we cannot see weeps with me. Why? Because He loves me!
Because He loves you, He is weeping with you this Christmas Day 2007 if your heart is shattered by the loss of your love or your love has been spurned. You are not alone.
Jerry Wells
Not everyone has this experience. There are those who live and die without ever losing the love of their life. They precede their love in death or they never fall in love. There are those who live and die without ever having their love rejected. They never fall in love without the feeling being mutual. Everyone’s heart is broken by certain losses. But not everyone knows what it means to have their heart shattered by these particular kinds of losses.
Losing the love of your life and falling in love with someone who does not fall in love with you are very similar experiences. There are no words to describe the pain. We use words like broken, shattered, and devastated but these words are only words. They do not capture the feeling.
I have had both of these experiences. I realize now how many people are hurting and suffering from these experiences. People in this world are hurting.
If you are one of these people, please give me a moment of your time. There is something I need to say to you. Be comforted to know that the love that you have felt for someone is the love that Jesus has for you.
We say it so tritely; for God so loved the world. We think that it only describes God’s intent or motive. We do not think of His love as the same kind of passion that we experience for the love of our life.
God created us in His image. We got this passion from Him. He has it toward you.
It is so hard to believe that God loves us that way. It is not accompanied by any kind of sensual desire but the passion is the same.
This first donned on me when I was just a teen. It released in me a torrent of praise and passion for God that has marked my life ever since. I started loving Him when I finally realized He loved me this way.
Go ahead and believe it. The incarnation is sufficient evidence that what I am saying is true. The cross is another witness.
God never loses the love of His life. Death is just a door to a new level of relationship. But He does love many who do not love Him.
Can God grieve? The Holy Spirit can and the Holy Spirit is a member of the Holy trinity. God grieves when the feeling of love is not mutual. He understands your pain if you have lost your love or your love has been rejected. Because He loves you He weeps with you.
This somehow comforts me and gives me peace. I am not alone. The Sovereign ruler of all that we see and all that we cannot see weeps with me. Why? Because He loves me!
Because He loves you, He is weeping with you this Christmas Day 2007 if your heart is shattered by the loss of your love or your love has been spurned. You are not alone.
Jerry Wells
Saturday, December 22, 2007
My Birthday
The calendar has it all wrong. It says today, December 22, is the first day of winter. In this season of our lives, our winter began on May 3, 2007. It has been a long winter!
How long will this winter last? Some say it will last the rest of our life. That is a dismal thought.
I certainly expect to always miss Debbie. There will always be times of intense grief. But having times of grief and living in the winter of sorrow are not the same.
If you are experiencing a long winter of sorrow in your life, at some point it needs to dawn on you that you control when the winter will end.
You may not be ready for this. Your winter may have just begun. You may not be at a place where that you want the winter to end. That’s O.K. We all need a significant amount of time to just nurse our wounds. It is almost seems impossible to have hope for anything good in this life when you have lost someone so significant.
But if you are ready for winter to end, listen to me. There is a way to part the clouds and see the sun.
One of Debbie’s favorite Christmas movies was Scrooge. She liked the Albert Finney version the most. You know the story. A man is consumed with himself; consumed with preserving his wealth; consumed with his own needs and desires. His life is dismal.
He has an experience. He sees what life has been like and what life will be like if he does not change. He has to make a choice: live for him self or live for others.
Mr. Scrooge is so frightened by the experience and by what the future holds that He makes a major change. He decides to play second fiddle.
The moment he makes the change, the music begins. The story ends with Mr. Scrooge sharing all that He has with those in need. His winter is over.
Mr. Scrooge has a great hurt in his past. He allowed that hurt to make him Mr. Scrooge. Each one of us has the same choice. Live for your self or live for others. How long will your winter last?
Jesus taught us all this lesson by the way He lived. An abundant life is not found by holding on to your abundance. The bible calls it emptying your self for others. Will you?
I have been seeing signs of spring lately. It seems to happen every time I go out of my way to let someone else know how important they are to God and to me. I believe this winter is almost over.
By the way, today is my birthday. It’s O.K. My family started the celebration last Sunday at our annual Christmas brunch. I am richer because they are poorer. My children continued the celebration two days ago with another gift I enjoy. Yesterday, I got a call from a special angel and a gift from a new angel in my life. It is only 9:05am in the morning. I had a text message from the same angel waiting for me when I woke up. One dear family in our church has already called and sang to me over the phone. I have received numerous gifts through out the week. I have not counted the birthday cards I have received.
All of these people who are so dear to me are just practicing what I am preaching. It is wonderful to be the recipient. But it is more blessed to give then to receive. It can turn your winter into spring!
I am so ready for no more cloudy days. Join me.
Merry Christmas!
Jerry Wells
How long will this winter last? Some say it will last the rest of our life. That is a dismal thought.
I certainly expect to always miss Debbie. There will always be times of intense grief. But having times of grief and living in the winter of sorrow are not the same.
If you are experiencing a long winter of sorrow in your life, at some point it needs to dawn on you that you control when the winter will end.
You may not be ready for this. Your winter may have just begun. You may not be at a place where that you want the winter to end. That’s O.K. We all need a significant amount of time to just nurse our wounds. It is almost seems impossible to have hope for anything good in this life when you have lost someone so significant.
But if you are ready for winter to end, listen to me. There is a way to part the clouds and see the sun.
One of Debbie’s favorite Christmas movies was Scrooge. She liked the Albert Finney version the most. You know the story. A man is consumed with himself; consumed with preserving his wealth; consumed with his own needs and desires. His life is dismal.
He has an experience. He sees what life has been like and what life will be like if he does not change. He has to make a choice: live for him self or live for others.
Mr. Scrooge is so frightened by the experience and by what the future holds that He makes a major change. He decides to play second fiddle.
The moment he makes the change, the music begins. The story ends with Mr. Scrooge sharing all that He has with those in need. His winter is over.
Mr. Scrooge has a great hurt in his past. He allowed that hurt to make him Mr. Scrooge. Each one of us has the same choice. Live for your self or live for others. How long will your winter last?
Jesus taught us all this lesson by the way He lived. An abundant life is not found by holding on to your abundance. The bible calls it emptying your self for others. Will you?
I have been seeing signs of spring lately. It seems to happen every time I go out of my way to let someone else know how important they are to God and to me. I believe this winter is almost over.
By the way, today is my birthday. It’s O.K. My family started the celebration last Sunday at our annual Christmas brunch. I am richer because they are poorer. My children continued the celebration two days ago with another gift I enjoy. Yesterday, I got a call from a special angel and a gift from a new angel in my life. It is only 9:05am in the morning. I had a text message from the same angel waiting for me when I woke up. One dear family in our church has already called and sang to me over the phone. I have received numerous gifts through out the week. I have not counted the birthday cards I have received.
All of these people who are so dear to me are just practicing what I am preaching. It is wonderful to be the recipient. But it is more blessed to give then to receive. It can turn your winter into spring!
I am so ready for no more cloudy days. Join me.
Merry Christmas!
Jerry Wells
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Merry Christmas, 2007
The great preacher Dr. Adrian Rogers said a marriage relationship is the closest we can come on earth to what relationships are like in heaven. My experience with Debbie would cause me to agree! Because of the terrible conditions in my family as child, as a young Christian I had a dream of what a marriage could be like if two people would follow God’s ways. After a rocky start, Debbie and I began to experience the promises of God in our relationship. At some point in the last five years, our relationship became better than what either of us had ever imagined. Our delight in one another surpassed anything that Hollywood could manufacture. We experienced a romance that is only made in heaven.
God’s plans for us can take us to highest peaks and the lowest valleys. In my lowest valley, it would be easy for me to conclude that God must be very cruel. By following God’s plan for marriage, Debbie and I reached the highest peak of human experience. Then suddenly, God’s plan plunged me into the lowest valley. I know people who conclude that it is better not to marry than to have such a passionate love and then lose it. They seem to be saying that they regret they followed God’s ways because of the intense sorrow that is created by losing your love.
What could add to my personal resentment at God is a circumstance that could also be interpreted as an act of cruelty. Since Debbie died, couples are standing in line for me to marry them. I will do more weddings this year and next year than I normally do in five. I also spend six hours with each couple in premarital counseling. I will not marry a couple unless they are willing to do this. Hour after hour I talk with each couple about how to follow God’s ways for marriage. Every lesson is tied closely to my marriage to Debbie. I cannot share these lessons without remembering her and how I was so blessed. I speak to each couple choking on my sorrow thru out our meetings.
Then there are the weddings. In every single one, when the doors open for the bride to enter, I can hardly contain myself. I stand there at the alter, not as a 52 year old Pastor, but as a 22 year old college graduate waiting on my bride, Debbie Mills. I have performed every ceremony with tear filled eyes.
What is God doing? I know I am chosen for this. My first name means one who exalts Jehovah. This is for His praise and His glory. He has given me a platform and the ability to communicate. He then reveals to me what He wants me to say. Please listen to someone who has been with God. He is near to the brokenhearted.
I want you to understand how special you are to the one true God. I know that you may not feel special. Life is difficult! I do not have to explain. It is hard to see just how special you are to God. If it was easy, you would not need faith. The fact that you are so special to Him is a theme that runs from Genesis to Revelation. He has chosen you to be one with Him. He wants you to walk with Him for all of eternity. He has paid the ultimate price to fulfill His plan for your relationship to Him.
Besides the Bible, God sends people into our life who share His image. He wants us to see how special we are to Him by how we are treated by these people. There will not be many of them. It is easy to miss them and the message God is sending us thru them in the midst of so many who are not true friends. Then even our best friends may fail us at times. Don’t allow humanity to keep you from missing the message. God sends special people into our lives to show us how special we are to Him.
Debbie was one of those people for me. In fact she is at the top of my list. I have never been loved like she loved me. Every day when we awoke in the morning, one of her main goals was to let me know that day how special I was. Day after day and year after year she labored to do this. In the midst of all of her other duties she would find ways to communicate to me how special I was.
Then it happened. At some point, this became one of my daily ambitions for her. In the midst of all of my other duties I would search for ways to communicate to her how special she was. This sent our relationship over the top of what either of us expected from marriage. We couldn’t wait to be with one another in those private moments. We were living a romance made in heaven.
She also lived this way for others. First there were her children and grandchildren. She was always looking for ways to let them know how special they are. Then there was our extended family. Then there were our family friends and our church family. She lived her life each day just trying to let other people know how special they were. This is why she loved helping people put together their photo albums. It was not a business for her. She loved to help ladies show their loved ones how special they are. This is why so many people would call Debbie their best friend. What a brilliant way to live.
The last seven and one half months of her life she out did herself or God out did Himself. In spite of battling cancer and enduring such harsh treatments, her star shined even brighter. It was never about her. It was always about letting others know they were special. It was in her eyes, her smile, and her words. To be in her presence her last months was the greatest miracle I have ever witnessed. Person after person was touched by how special she made them feel. We received letter after letter from her admirers that all say a similar message.
This was God’s image in her. What Debbie became was just Jesus shining thru her. She revealed how special we all are to God! She revealed how special you are to God.
You are so special to God. You have the witness of God’s Written Word. You have the witness of the people that He sends into your life who shares His image, who treat you the way Debbie treated me. But above all, you have the witness of God’s son. The birth, life, and death of Jesus are an endless announcement that you are special to God.
Will you hear the message this Christmas season? Will you receive the message this Christmas from someone who has been with God? He is near to the broken hearted.
From the Wells family to all of our family and friends, and to all those who receive this letter from our family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
God’s plans for us can take us to highest peaks and the lowest valleys. In my lowest valley, it would be easy for me to conclude that God must be very cruel. By following God’s plan for marriage, Debbie and I reached the highest peak of human experience. Then suddenly, God’s plan plunged me into the lowest valley. I know people who conclude that it is better not to marry than to have such a passionate love and then lose it. They seem to be saying that they regret they followed God’s ways because of the intense sorrow that is created by losing your love.
What could add to my personal resentment at God is a circumstance that could also be interpreted as an act of cruelty. Since Debbie died, couples are standing in line for me to marry them. I will do more weddings this year and next year than I normally do in five. I also spend six hours with each couple in premarital counseling. I will not marry a couple unless they are willing to do this. Hour after hour I talk with each couple about how to follow God’s ways for marriage. Every lesson is tied closely to my marriage to Debbie. I cannot share these lessons without remembering her and how I was so blessed. I speak to each couple choking on my sorrow thru out our meetings.
Then there are the weddings. In every single one, when the doors open for the bride to enter, I can hardly contain myself. I stand there at the alter, not as a 52 year old Pastor, but as a 22 year old college graduate waiting on my bride, Debbie Mills. I have performed every ceremony with tear filled eyes.
What is God doing? I know I am chosen for this. My first name means one who exalts Jehovah. This is for His praise and His glory. He has given me a platform and the ability to communicate. He then reveals to me what He wants me to say. Please listen to someone who has been with God. He is near to the brokenhearted.
I want you to understand how special you are to the one true God. I know that you may not feel special. Life is difficult! I do not have to explain. It is hard to see just how special you are to God. If it was easy, you would not need faith. The fact that you are so special to Him is a theme that runs from Genesis to Revelation. He has chosen you to be one with Him. He wants you to walk with Him for all of eternity. He has paid the ultimate price to fulfill His plan for your relationship to Him.
Besides the Bible, God sends people into our life who share His image. He wants us to see how special we are to Him by how we are treated by these people. There will not be many of them. It is easy to miss them and the message God is sending us thru them in the midst of so many who are not true friends. Then even our best friends may fail us at times. Don’t allow humanity to keep you from missing the message. God sends special people into our lives to show us how special we are to Him.
Debbie was one of those people for me. In fact she is at the top of my list. I have never been loved like she loved me. Every day when we awoke in the morning, one of her main goals was to let me know that day how special I was. Day after day and year after year she labored to do this. In the midst of all of her other duties she would find ways to communicate to me how special I was.
Then it happened. At some point, this became one of my daily ambitions for her. In the midst of all of my other duties I would search for ways to communicate to her how special she was. This sent our relationship over the top of what either of us expected from marriage. We couldn’t wait to be with one another in those private moments. We were living a romance made in heaven.
She also lived this way for others. First there were her children and grandchildren. She was always looking for ways to let them know how special they are. Then there was our extended family. Then there were our family friends and our church family. She lived her life each day just trying to let other people know how special they were. This is why she loved helping people put together their photo albums. It was not a business for her. She loved to help ladies show their loved ones how special they are. This is why so many people would call Debbie their best friend. What a brilliant way to live.
The last seven and one half months of her life she out did herself or God out did Himself. In spite of battling cancer and enduring such harsh treatments, her star shined even brighter. It was never about her. It was always about letting others know they were special. It was in her eyes, her smile, and her words. To be in her presence her last months was the greatest miracle I have ever witnessed. Person after person was touched by how special she made them feel. We received letter after letter from her admirers that all say a similar message.
This was God’s image in her. What Debbie became was just Jesus shining thru her. She revealed how special we all are to God! She revealed how special you are to God.
You are so special to God. You have the witness of God’s Written Word. You have the witness of the people that He sends into your life who shares His image, who treat you the way Debbie treated me. But above all, you have the witness of God’s son. The birth, life, and death of Jesus are an endless announcement that you are special to God.
Will you hear the message this Christmas season? Will you receive the message this Christmas from someone who has been with God? He is near to the broken hearted.
From the Wells family to all of our family and friends, and to all those who receive this letter from our family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Thanksgiving 2007
Thanksgiving, 2007, our first without Debbie. My daughter-in-law Jill has done more than anyone could expect to help our family have a wonderful holiday. She adorned our house with the traditional thanksgiving dress of pumpkins and thanksgiving colors. She prepared a cherry cobbler for our Tuesday night dinner at church. It was gone almost as quickly as Debbie’s banana cake. She baked what is becoming one of our family’s favorite breads for our family feast. Most important, she brightened our house with her peaceful spirit that she wears every day.
When I awoke early on Thanksgiving morning the first thing that I noticed was the kitchen was quiet. Debbie was such an early riser. Most days, she would get up before me to pray and study God’s Word at her private alter.
It was her custom to rise early on Thanksgiving Day. When I would wake up on Thanksgiving Day, the door to our room would be open. I would hear the sounds of the kitchen-a faucet turning on and off-the sound of a metal pan-the electric mixer-the refrigerator door opening and closing-the hum of the oven. Then there was the music. Debbie would be either singing a Christmas song or a Christmas CD would be playing one of her favorite Christmas tunes.
Then there would be phone calls to one or more of her siblings or her mother who lived in Kermit, Texas. Her voice would ring out “Goooood Morning” or “Happy Thanksgiving,” as soon as someone on the other end of the line answered the phone. On this Thanksgiving morning, when I woke up and was lying in bed, the kitchen was quiet.
I made it through the morning at home secretly reliving various memories and then our family joined the Richey and Burgess families at the Richey’s new home for our Thanksgiving Celebration. Our annual feast was one of the best. Trent shared a wonderful devotional from the scripture on how there is a time for everything but God is with us each step of the way. My brother Jim and Sister Sandy and their families dropped by for a visit. Then we were off to the gym for our annual holiday basketball game. By the time I arrived home that evening with a very sore calf, the day was spent. I shed a bucket full of tears and went to bed.
When I woke up Friday morning, the first thing I heard was sounds coming from the kitchen. There was a faucet turning on and off-the sound of a metal pan-the refrigerator opening and closing-the hum of the oven, and there was music. It was a Christmas CD like the ones Debbie would have chosen.
When I turned the corner, there stood my oldest son Josh (age 29) making our family a holiday breakfast like the ones his mother fixed for him. As I looked at Josh I saw his mother. Within his 6’4” frame I sensed her spirit and her heart. In his eyes, I saw her character and the joy she had for serving us.
I was reminded again that although she is gone, she left behind a legacy of her beauty in all of her children. What she was is within them and this world is a much better place because of Debbie Wells.
Debbie would say, “It is because of Jesus!”
And because of Jesus we can see Debbie again. Until that day!
Jerry Wells
When I awoke early on Thanksgiving morning the first thing that I noticed was the kitchen was quiet. Debbie was such an early riser. Most days, she would get up before me to pray and study God’s Word at her private alter.
It was her custom to rise early on Thanksgiving Day. When I would wake up on Thanksgiving Day, the door to our room would be open. I would hear the sounds of the kitchen-a faucet turning on and off-the sound of a metal pan-the electric mixer-the refrigerator door opening and closing-the hum of the oven. Then there was the music. Debbie would be either singing a Christmas song or a Christmas CD would be playing one of her favorite Christmas tunes.
Then there would be phone calls to one or more of her siblings or her mother who lived in Kermit, Texas. Her voice would ring out “Goooood Morning” or “Happy Thanksgiving,” as soon as someone on the other end of the line answered the phone. On this Thanksgiving morning, when I woke up and was lying in bed, the kitchen was quiet.
I made it through the morning at home secretly reliving various memories and then our family joined the Richey and Burgess families at the Richey’s new home for our Thanksgiving Celebration. Our annual feast was one of the best. Trent shared a wonderful devotional from the scripture on how there is a time for everything but God is with us each step of the way. My brother Jim and Sister Sandy and their families dropped by for a visit. Then we were off to the gym for our annual holiday basketball game. By the time I arrived home that evening with a very sore calf, the day was spent. I shed a bucket full of tears and went to bed.
When I woke up Friday morning, the first thing I heard was sounds coming from the kitchen. There was a faucet turning on and off-the sound of a metal pan-the refrigerator opening and closing-the hum of the oven, and there was music. It was a Christmas CD like the ones Debbie would have chosen.
When I turned the corner, there stood my oldest son Josh (age 29) making our family a holiday breakfast like the ones his mother fixed for him. As I looked at Josh I saw his mother. Within his 6’4” frame I sensed her spirit and her heart. In his eyes, I saw her character and the joy she had for serving us.
I was reminded again that although she is gone, she left behind a legacy of her beauty in all of her children. What she was is within them and this world is a much better place because of Debbie Wells.
Debbie would say, “It is because of Jesus!”
And because of Jesus we can see Debbie again. Until that day!
Jerry Wells
Monday, November 12, 2007
November 12, 2007
Saturday, November 10, I attended Homecoming at Oklahoma Baptist University. I graduated from OBU in May, 1977, which was also the year that Debbie and I married and moved to Fort Worth to attend seminary. I cannot believe that it has been 30 years!
At homecoming, I played basketball in the annual alumni basketball game for former players. My son Josh also attended OBU and played basketball so we were able to play together in this game for the very first time. This was a great thrill for me. I am very grateful that I am still healthy enough to play and compete at age 52 with my grandchildren looking on.
I saw many old friends that I had not seen in years. They had heard about Debbie and expressed their condolences. I had the opportunity to update my class at our 1977 class luncheon. It was difficult but I made it through it.
Many people asked me how I was doing and how the children were doing. What a difficult question to answer. When I tell them I am doing well, I feel like I am being dishonest because I remember what well was like before Debbie was diagnosed with cancer.
Compared to that well, I do not consider myself to be doing well.
“Well” has a new definition to me and I do not have time to explain this to everyone who asks, “How are you doing?” Well means I am experiencing great sorrow but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Well means I am able to pull myself together after being curled up in a fetal position and I am still able to function and contribute to the well fare of others. Well means there are lots of good times and happy moments with my family and friends.
This is what well means…
2 Cor 4:8-10
8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed --
NKJV
What an honest summation Paul gave of his life. Hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down but not crushed, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed.
Paul experienced great sorrow but said that he was not in despair. To be in despair means to believe there is no way out.
There is a way out. It is called the resurrection. That is why Paul said in verse 14…
2 Cor 4:14
14 knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you.
NKJV
I do not know if on this earth I will always feel the sorrow I feel now or to what degree I will feel this sorrow. It really doesn’t matter to me. But I have come to realize that many people feel this sorrow and that they have no hope that their feelings of sorrow will ever change.
Many reside in nursing homes, mental hospitals, V.A. Hospitals, burn centers, and cancer wards. Others live alone across the street from people like you and me. Others wander as homeless beggars through our streets. Many live as orphaned children in places like Africa where the average life span for men in some countries is about 40. I have been touched by the sorrow they feel. It has left a great impression on my soul. It grieves me that they do not have any hope.
It also grieves me that people who enter eternity without Jesus will experience this sorrow for all of eternity. Jesus will wipe every tear away from my eyes. Sorrow will no longer be one of my closest companions. But for those who are not in Christ their sorrow will never end.
God uses our troubles to make us sensitive to the troubles of others. As Paul said…
2 Cor 1:3-4
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
KJV
Experiencing sorrow changes us. It will either make us more into a selfish narcissist or it will enlarge our heart of compassion for others. My prayer is…
Ps 119:32
32 I will run the way of thy commandments, when thou shalt enlarge my heart.
KJV
Are you familiar with the prayer of Jabez?
1 Chron 4:9-10
9 And Jabez was more honourable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.
10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.
KJV
I never considered that when I prayed the prayer of Jabez and asked God to enlarge my coast that He would first have to enlarge my heart through sorrow. Sometimes God enlarges the boarders of our ministry by first enlarging our heart of compassion through sorrow. He uses our own personal sorrow to stretch our hearts out to others. It is no accident that Jabez’s name means “to grieve and be sorrowful.”
Do I like it? No! Do I have pity parties at times? Yes! Am I thankful yet? No! God and I still have some work to do.
So how am I doing? “Well?” No! Debbie is doing Well. She is doing well because she is well. The tears have been wiped away.
But until that day may our faithful God keep enlarging our hearts and our boarders. When He uses sorrow to enlarge our boarders may He strengthen us with the hope that only comes from His presence and His promise of resurrection. And may the life that we live with sorrow bring hope to others who so desperately need it.
P.S. Please pray for my dear friend Woody Shoemaker and his six children. Gail, his beloved wife and mother to his children, died Saturday morning. She has been suffering from a brain tumor that was diagnosed last February. You can read about their journey on their blog.
http://www.xanga.com/the_shoemaker_update
At homecoming, I played basketball in the annual alumni basketball game for former players. My son Josh also attended OBU and played basketball so we were able to play together in this game for the very first time. This was a great thrill for me. I am very grateful that I am still healthy enough to play and compete at age 52 with my grandchildren looking on.
I saw many old friends that I had not seen in years. They had heard about Debbie and expressed their condolences. I had the opportunity to update my class at our 1977 class luncheon. It was difficult but I made it through it.
Many people asked me how I was doing and how the children were doing. What a difficult question to answer. When I tell them I am doing well, I feel like I am being dishonest because I remember what well was like before Debbie was diagnosed with cancer.
Compared to that well, I do not consider myself to be doing well.
“Well” has a new definition to me and I do not have time to explain this to everyone who asks, “How are you doing?” Well means I am experiencing great sorrow but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Well means I am able to pull myself together after being curled up in a fetal position and I am still able to function and contribute to the well fare of others. Well means there are lots of good times and happy moments with my family and friends.
This is what well means…
2 Cor 4:8-10
8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed --
NKJV
What an honest summation Paul gave of his life. Hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down but not crushed, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed.
Paul experienced great sorrow but said that he was not in despair. To be in despair means to believe there is no way out.
There is a way out. It is called the resurrection. That is why Paul said in verse 14…
2 Cor 4:14
14 knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you.
NKJV
I do not know if on this earth I will always feel the sorrow I feel now or to what degree I will feel this sorrow. It really doesn’t matter to me. But I have come to realize that many people feel this sorrow and that they have no hope that their feelings of sorrow will ever change.
Many reside in nursing homes, mental hospitals, V.A. Hospitals, burn centers, and cancer wards. Others live alone across the street from people like you and me. Others wander as homeless beggars through our streets. Many live as orphaned children in places like Africa where the average life span for men in some countries is about 40. I have been touched by the sorrow they feel. It has left a great impression on my soul. It grieves me that they do not have any hope.
It also grieves me that people who enter eternity without Jesus will experience this sorrow for all of eternity. Jesus will wipe every tear away from my eyes. Sorrow will no longer be one of my closest companions. But for those who are not in Christ their sorrow will never end.
God uses our troubles to make us sensitive to the troubles of others. As Paul said…
2 Cor 1:3-4
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
KJV
Experiencing sorrow changes us. It will either make us more into a selfish narcissist or it will enlarge our heart of compassion for others. My prayer is…
Ps 119:32
32 I will run the way of thy commandments, when thou shalt enlarge my heart.
KJV
Are you familiar with the prayer of Jabez?
1 Chron 4:9-10
9 And Jabez was more honourable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.
10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.
KJV
I never considered that when I prayed the prayer of Jabez and asked God to enlarge my coast that He would first have to enlarge my heart through sorrow. Sometimes God enlarges the boarders of our ministry by first enlarging our heart of compassion through sorrow. He uses our own personal sorrow to stretch our hearts out to others. It is no accident that Jabez’s name means “to grieve and be sorrowful.”
Do I like it? No! Do I have pity parties at times? Yes! Am I thankful yet? No! God and I still have some work to do.
So how am I doing? “Well?” No! Debbie is doing Well. She is doing well because she is well. The tears have been wiped away.
But until that day may our faithful God keep enlarging our hearts and our boarders. When He uses sorrow to enlarge our boarders may He strengthen us with the hope that only comes from His presence and His promise of resurrection. And may the life that we live with sorrow bring hope to others who so desperately need it.
P.S. Please pray for my dear friend Woody Shoemaker and his six children. Gail, his beloved wife and mother to his children, died Saturday morning. She has been suffering from a brain tumor that was diagnosed last February. You can read about their journey on their blog.
http://www.xanga.com/the_shoemaker_update
Monday, October 08, 2007
This Part Of The Journey-Crying Out
This part of the journey is not one that I would have chosen for myself or my children. A few days ago, one of my adult children was at the house and their eyes were very red and swollen. Since they had just gotten to the house, I asked them if they had just come from the cemetery. Their answer was what I suspected. I asked them if they have these kinds of moments on a regular basis. They said yes and especially when they go to the cemetery.
This is a painful journey for our family. The pain is relative to different circumstances in our lives. I had no idea that people experienced this kind of emotional pain. I was so young when I lost my mother. I am now much more compassionate.
I would describe this emotional pain like those who have an ongoing permanent painful physical disability. Every day you wake up it is there. Some days it is better than others but it is always there.
We would never tell a person with a permanent painful physical disability that it is going to get better with time. Time does not heal all pain. But because of our compassion for those who are hurting, we want to give them hope. Sometimes a false hope is worse than no hope at all.
The truth is it may never get better. God heals the broken hearted but sometimes that healing is not complete until we get to heaven.
We would also never tell a person with a permanent painful physical disability that they should not be hurting. Or we would never tell them that it is inappropriate for them to hurt at certain times. This would not be very sensitive. A person who has experienced a great loss like ours cannot control when they hurt unless they take pain killers or go to sleep.
At times, I do avoid certain events so that I will not make others feel bad for me and ruin the evening for them. Some times I can anticipate how certain things are going to make me feel and I evaluate if it is really necessary for me to attend. There is nothing more uncomfortable then sitting through something that everyone else is enjoying with a large lump in your throat because you are holding back the tears. It also makes others feel uncomfortable if they know you are hurting. At this time in my life, it is hard to disguise. My tear ducts are so open they flow like an open water faucet when I feel the slightest tinge of grief.
So what do you do if the pain never gets better? Living with pain is not very American. The American Dream is the possibility of a life with every creature comfort you desire and no pain.
The truth is most Americans live with pain. That is why so many people in our country are addicted to something. It’s normal for people with pain to turn to pain killers.
Living with pain is a new experience for me but it appears to be a permanent one. I can now vaguely remember just a little over a year ago going whole days and even weeks without hurting emotionally. It is already hard to remember what that was like. I feel like I have been sheltered for years from what so many people have been experiencing all around me.
Since my Christian ethic does not permit me to turn to pain killers to relieve emotional pain, what can I do?
I cry out my tears alone a lot. This is God’s natural way for us to find pain relief. It is amazing to me how I can have an emotional melt down and cry violently for a few minutes and then feel good enough to do something productive. This happens a lot on Sunday mornings before I preach.
I cry out to God a lot. I have stopped asking Him to take away the pain. I just ask Him to help me be strong enough to glorify Him with the way I live in spite of the pain.
I cry out to other people a lot. I have a small group of friends that are comfortable with me telling them how I feel and why. These friends do not expect me to get over it. Their goal is be a good listener and pray for me. Some of them have gone through a similar experience and talk to me about their feelings. It is comforting to just talk about your feelings in a safe environment. I have come to realize that I have not been a very good listener to the hurting people in my life.
I know this does not sound very appealing. But I have realized that being victorious does not always mean being delivered from your pain. It means having the strength to endure the pain in a way that honors God. I have found crying out to be very helpful to reach this goal.
And there are a lot of happy moments that I do experience in the midst of the pain. Every night my three year old granddaughter Gwynneth finds me to hug me before she goes to bed. Thank you Jesus! And nearly every day my eleven month old grandson Caedmon tries to show me his manhood by climbing over another obstacle in our house. I affectionately call Caedmon caveman. Thank you Jesus! And then there is the look of wonder on Will’s face when he realizes that he has just learned something for school that we have been working so hard to memorize. Thank you Jesus! And then there are the new levels of maturity that I see developing in each one of my children. Thank you Jesus! And I still like good food and an O.U. victory. And I love seeing people in our church get a hold of a vital truth. Thank you Jesus! And there is the hope of heaven and my reunion with my hero, Debbie Wells. Thank you, thank you Jesus.
There is happiness in the midst of the pain. And there is joy unspeakable and full of glory. I just wish Debbie was here to share this life with me. Until that day!
J
Jerry Wells
This is a painful journey for our family. The pain is relative to different circumstances in our lives. I had no idea that people experienced this kind of emotional pain. I was so young when I lost my mother. I am now much more compassionate.
I would describe this emotional pain like those who have an ongoing permanent painful physical disability. Every day you wake up it is there. Some days it is better than others but it is always there.
We would never tell a person with a permanent painful physical disability that it is going to get better with time. Time does not heal all pain. But because of our compassion for those who are hurting, we want to give them hope. Sometimes a false hope is worse than no hope at all.
The truth is it may never get better. God heals the broken hearted but sometimes that healing is not complete until we get to heaven.
We would also never tell a person with a permanent painful physical disability that they should not be hurting. Or we would never tell them that it is inappropriate for them to hurt at certain times. This would not be very sensitive. A person who has experienced a great loss like ours cannot control when they hurt unless they take pain killers or go to sleep.
At times, I do avoid certain events so that I will not make others feel bad for me and ruin the evening for them. Some times I can anticipate how certain things are going to make me feel and I evaluate if it is really necessary for me to attend. There is nothing more uncomfortable then sitting through something that everyone else is enjoying with a large lump in your throat because you are holding back the tears. It also makes others feel uncomfortable if they know you are hurting. At this time in my life, it is hard to disguise. My tear ducts are so open they flow like an open water faucet when I feel the slightest tinge of grief.
So what do you do if the pain never gets better? Living with pain is not very American. The American Dream is the possibility of a life with every creature comfort you desire and no pain.
The truth is most Americans live with pain. That is why so many people in our country are addicted to something. It’s normal for people with pain to turn to pain killers.
Living with pain is a new experience for me but it appears to be a permanent one. I can now vaguely remember just a little over a year ago going whole days and even weeks without hurting emotionally. It is already hard to remember what that was like. I feel like I have been sheltered for years from what so many people have been experiencing all around me.
Since my Christian ethic does not permit me to turn to pain killers to relieve emotional pain, what can I do?
I cry out my tears alone a lot. This is God’s natural way for us to find pain relief. It is amazing to me how I can have an emotional melt down and cry violently for a few minutes and then feel good enough to do something productive. This happens a lot on Sunday mornings before I preach.
I cry out to God a lot. I have stopped asking Him to take away the pain. I just ask Him to help me be strong enough to glorify Him with the way I live in spite of the pain.
I cry out to other people a lot. I have a small group of friends that are comfortable with me telling them how I feel and why. These friends do not expect me to get over it. Their goal is be a good listener and pray for me. Some of them have gone through a similar experience and talk to me about their feelings. It is comforting to just talk about your feelings in a safe environment. I have come to realize that I have not been a very good listener to the hurting people in my life.
I know this does not sound very appealing. But I have realized that being victorious does not always mean being delivered from your pain. It means having the strength to endure the pain in a way that honors God. I have found crying out to be very helpful to reach this goal.
And there are a lot of happy moments that I do experience in the midst of the pain. Every night my three year old granddaughter Gwynneth finds me to hug me before she goes to bed. Thank you Jesus! And nearly every day my eleven month old grandson Caedmon tries to show me his manhood by climbing over another obstacle in our house. I affectionately call Caedmon caveman. Thank you Jesus! And then there is the look of wonder on Will’s face when he realizes that he has just learned something for school that we have been working so hard to memorize. Thank you Jesus! And then there are the new levels of maturity that I see developing in each one of my children. Thank you Jesus! And I still like good food and an O.U. victory. And I love seeing people in our church get a hold of a vital truth. Thank you Jesus! And there is the hope of heaven and my reunion with my hero, Debbie Wells. Thank you, thank you Jesus.
There is happiness in the midst of the pain. And there is joy unspeakable and full of glory. I just wish Debbie was here to share this life with me. Until that day!
J
Jerry Wells
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Homework
Dear Friends and Family:
Will and I are experiencing something new. Homework! When Debbie and I were educating our children at home, our children were normally finished with school by the time that I got home in the evening. Now it is not unusual for Will and me to spend several hours together in the evening finishing his daily assignments and doing his homework.
Recently his grandmother asked what he liked most about going to Christian Heritage Academy. Will said it was the homework. I wish that I had the same attitude.
Is it the homework or is it the personal time with Dad? For a ten year old who has just lost his mother I would conclude that it is the personal time with Dad. His need for me is even greater since Debbie’s home going.
Who would have thought that something like homework would help meet Will’s need? Homework is normally something that students despise. Homework is normally something that students want to finish as quickly as possible. Homework is normally something that students dread.
God is always giving us homework. Our homework is those people and circumstances in our lives that we would rather avoid. But with each assignment God is meeting a great need in our life. Will’s homework makes him more dependent upon me. God’s homework makes us more dependent upon God.
May we all have the same attitude that Will has about His homework. May we see each assignment as God’s way to make us more dependent upon Him. And may we always delight in more personal time with our Heavenly Father!
Prayerfully,
Jerry Wells
Will and I are experiencing something new. Homework! When Debbie and I were educating our children at home, our children were normally finished with school by the time that I got home in the evening. Now it is not unusual for Will and me to spend several hours together in the evening finishing his daily assignments and doing his homework.
Recently his grandmother asked what he liked most about going to Christian Heritage Academy. Will said it was the homework. I wish that I had the same attitude.
Is it the homework or is it the personal time with Dad? For a ten year old who has just lost his mother I would conclude that it is the personal time with Dad. His need for me is even greater since Debbie’s home going.
Who would have thought that something like homework would help meet Will’s need? Homework is normally something that students despise. Homework is normally something that students want to finish as quickly as possible. Homework is normally something that students dread.
God is always giving us homework. Our homework is those people and circumstances in our lives that we would rather avoid. But with each assignment God is meeting a great need in our life. Will’s homework makes him more dependent upon me. God’s homework makes us more dependent upon God.
May we all have the same attitude that Will has about His homework. May we see each assignment as God’s way to make us more dependent upon Him. And may we always delight in more personal time with our Heavenly Father!
Prayerfully,
Jerry Wells
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
An Update And A Request
Thanks again for supporting our family during such a time as this. Each prayer you offer on our behalf is pleasing to the Lord. I know that you are sharing His heart with us when you pray for us.
We are very busy. There are eleven of us living in my home. Josh and Jill and my two grand babies moved in with us in July. They have been such a tremendous help and support to us in so many ways. It is has been a smooth adjustment because of their maturity in the Lord. I am very grateful.
Josh is completing his last year of law school at OCU. He had done very well and we anticipate he will have several opportunities to start his practice when he is finished.
Besides Josh finishing law school, Zach is a junior at Mid American Christian University which is just down the road from us. That is where his fiancée Karla Davis also attends. It appears their wedding will be early next summer.
Jacob is my only child that is not living at the house. He is doing a remarkable job selling cars at Bob Howard Toyota in Edmond, Oklahoma.
Caleb is a full time student at Moore Norman Vocational Center. He is studying auto mechanics. This will be very helpful to the Wells since there are normally seven or more cars in our drive way at home.
Grace is taking 16 hours at OCCC, a local two year college. She is just getting her basics out of the way as she considers her major.
Jeremiah, Mercy, and William are all fully involved at Christian Heritage Academy thanks to the gifts that were given in Debbie’s honor. Jeremiah is playing football for the first time and it has been a great experience. Mercy has several new friends and is preparing to play basketball. I call her the best athlete in our family but she does not know it. William is literally a full time student. We have some catching up to do so Will and I normally spend several hours each evening doing his homework. All of the children are being challenged academically and are embracing the challenge. CHA is definitely exactly what we need at such a time as this. I am very grateful for this opportunity for my children.
I am very busy at church, preaching and teaching twice a week, counseling, and leading our wonderful staff. Our church has embraced our new lives and loved us beyond measure.
How are we doing emotionally? It is still very hard for all of us at times as you would expect. We all have our moments! But we enjoy one another and enjoy life like Debbie wanted us to do. She told me that she wanted our home to be a happy place where people would enjoy themselves. Jill has done a wonderful job creating that kind of atmosphere. There is lots of laughter again in spite of our moments.
I want to make an unusual request before all is lost. We are compiling all of our resources for the book that we plan to write about lessons that we learned from Debbie’s life. If you have any e-mails that you received from Debbie that would be helpful would you please send them to us before they are deleted and lost. If you have any stories in which you learned something from Debbie’s life, would you send us those stories and what you learned from her?
I know that this will not be easy for some of you. I have wept many tears re-reading her e-mails or recounting stories about her. But it is also very healing and it will be a great help to us. Obviously I cannot promise that we will use everything we receive in the book but whatever we receive will be maintained for our future generations.
Please send your e-mails from Debbie or stories about her to jerrywells@westernhillschurch.com or jerrywellsfam@gmail.com. You can send mail to our home at 6301 S.W. 123, Oklahoma City, OK 73173, if you need to send a copy of a letter that she wrote to you or send us some other information.
Friends are wonderful. Thank you for being there for us. Please let us hear from you.
Jerry Wells
We are very busy. There are eleven of us living in my home. Josh and Jill and my two grand babies moved in with us in July. They have been such a tremendous help and support to us in so many ways. It is has been a smooth adjustment because of their maturity in the Lord. I am very grateful.
Josh is completing his last year of law school at OCU. He had done very well and we anticipate he will have several opportunities to start his practice when he is finished.
Besides Josh finishing law school, Zach is a junior at Mid American Christian University which is just down the road from us. That is where his fiancée Karla Davis also attends. It appears their wedding will be early next summer.
Jacob is my only child that is not living at the house. He is doing a remarkable job selling cars at Bob Howard Toyota in Edmond, Oklahoma.
Caleb is a full time student at Moore Norman Vocational Center. He is studying auto mechanics. This will be very helpful to the Wells since there are normally seven or more cars in our drive way at home.
Grace is taking 16 hours at OCCC, a local two year college. She is just getting her basics out of the way as she considers her major.
Jeremiah, Mercy, and William are all fully involved at Christian Heritage Academy thanks to the gifts that were given in Debbie’s honor. Jeremiah is playing football for the first time and it has been a great experience. Mercy has several new friends and is preparing to play basketball. I call her the best athlete in our family but she does not know it. William is literally a full time student. We have some catching up to do so Will and I normally spend several hours each evening doing his homework. All of the children are being challenged academically and are embracing the challenge. CHA is definitely exactly what we need at such a time as this. I am very grateful for this opportunity for my children.
I am very busy at church, preaching and teaching twice a week, counseling, and leading our wonderful staff. Our church has embraced our new lives and loved us beyond measure.
How are we doing emotionally? It is still very hard for all of us at times as you would expect. We all have our moments! But we enjoy one another and enjoy life like Debbie wanted us to do. She told me that she wanted our home to be a happy place where people would enjoy themselves. Jill has done a wonderful job creating that kind of atmosphere. There is lots of laughter again in spite of our moments.
I want to make an unusual request before all is lost. We are compiling all of our resources for the book that we plan to write about lessons that we learned from Debbie’s life. If you have any e-mails that you received from Debbie that would be helpful would you please send them to us before they are deleted and lost. If you have any stories in which you learned something from Debbie’s life, would you send us those stories and what you learned from her?
I know that this will not be easy for some of you. I have wept many tears re-reading her e-mails or recounting stories about her. But it is also very healing and it will be a great help to us. Obviously I cannot promise that we will use everything we receive in the book but whatever we receive will be maintained for our future generations.
Please send your e-mails from Debbie or stories about her to jerrywells@westernhillschurch.com or jerrywellsfam@gmail.com. You can send mail to our home at 6301 S.W. 123, Oklahoma City, OK 73173, if you need to send a copy of a letter that she wrote to you or send us some other information.
Friends are wonderful. Thank you for being there for us. Please let us hear from you.
Jerry Wells
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Our First Day Of School At CHA
I have a new e-mail address at home.
It is jerrywellsfam@gmail.com
Dear friends and family:
This morning I took Jeremiah (17), Mercy (15), and William (10) to classes at Christian Heritage Academy for the first time. They were excited and somewhat apprehensive. The reality of our new life together really sank in when we pulled up to the building where nearly 700 other students were unloading from a mass of cars.
While I was there, I thought about how excited Debbie would have been if she was there this morning. I thought about the look of wonder and joy and relief on her face when we told her just a few days before she died that a way was being made for the children to attend CHA. I thought about how this would not be possible without all of you that have helped us and prayed for us.
Thank you for caring for us.
Jerry Wells
It is jerrywellsfam@gmail.com
Dear friends and family:
This morning I took Jeremiah (17), Mercy (15), and William (10) to classes at Christian Heritage Academy for the first time. They were excited and somewhat apprehensive. The reality of our new life together really sank in when we pulled up to the building where nearly 700 other students were unloading from a mass of cars.
While I was there, I thought about how excited Debbie would have been if she was there this morning. I thought about the look of wonder and joy and relief on her face when we told her just a few days before she died that a way was being made for the children to attend CHA. I thought about how this would not be possible without all of you that have helped us and prayed for us.
Thank you for caring for us.
Jerry Wells
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Copy Of Video Recording Of Debbie's Funeral Service
Dear Friends:
If you would like a copy of the video recording of Debbie's funeral service please use the form below to make an order. Due to the life that Debbie lived and the testimonies that were shared, we have heard from many people who attended the service that God changed their lives. We believe that Debbie's life message will continue to be a blessing to those on earth even as she enjoys her eternal life in heaven.
Jerry Wells
Psalms 40:1-3
Western Hills Church Video Productions Ministry
Debbie Wells Memorial Service
DVD Order Form
(please print clearly)
Last:_______________________ First:_________________
Address:__________________________________________
City:______________________ State:_____ Zip:_________
Phone: (____)____-________ Phone: (____)____-________
Email:____________________________________________
DVD Order Information:
Number of copies: _______
Number of copies x $10: $_______
Shipping and handling: $ 2.00
Sub total for purchase: $_______
Total amount enclosed: $______________
Please complete this form and mail with payment to:
Western Hills Church
401 SW 44th Street, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73109
Call 405-634-1454 and ask for Brandon Werner if you have any questions.
If you would like a copy of the video recording of Debbie's funeral service please use the form below to make an order. Due to the life that Debbie lived and the testimonies that were shared, we have heard from many people who attended the service that God changed their lives. We believe that Debbie's life message will continue to be a blessing to those on earth even as she enjoys her eternal life in heaven.
Jerry Wells
Psalms 40:1-3
Western Hills Church Video Productions Ministry
Debbie Wells Memorial Service
DVD Order Form
(please print clearly)
Last:_______________________ First:_________________
Address:__________________________________________
City:______________________ State:_____ Zip:_________
Phone: (____)____-________ Phone: (____)____-________
Email:____________________________________________
DVD Order Information:
Number of copies: _______
Number of copies x $10: $_______
Shipping and handling: $ 2.00
Sub total for purchase: $_______
Total amount enclosed: $______________
Please complete this form and mail with payment to:
Western Hills Church
401 SW 44th Street, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73109
Call 405-634-1454 and ask for Brandon Werner if you have any questions.
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