This is the fourth day in a row that Mom has gotten noticeably weaker. For the most part she is comfortable with little pain and nausea, but her ability to keep alert or communicate has gotten progressively worse as the days have gone by.
She still recognizes us and is able to follow conversations, but her ability to interact is almost non-existent at this point. I’m convinced that her spirit remains the same as it has always been. Occasionally her eyes will open, focus on you, and she almost looks healthy again, but it passes quickly after two or three words and then she has to rest once more.
This is one of the most difficult things about the disease. Mom is tantalizingly close, but her body only allows flashes of her to show through. You would love to have a good talk with her and hear her encouraging words, and you know she feels the same, but her body won’t allow her to engage.
I’m reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:12. “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”
We now see Mom through a glass, darkly.
Far from being a discouraging thought, for Christians, this should bring us great joy. Even though we see through a glass, darkly, our walk with Christ is still such a wonderful thing. As I see a living example of knowing a person through a glass, darkly, I look forward excitedly to when I can know fully. If the difference between knowing Mom when she was healthy and knowing her now is anything like knowing Christ fully and knowing Him now, then we truly have something to look forward to.
It is also an example of how I should seek a deeper relationship with Christ. I have such a strong desire to have one good conversation with Mom. I feel like I’ve said all the things I need to say to her, and I’ve heard everything I need to hear from her, but when I’m with her I would give just about anything to talk normally about anything with her. I want that relationship which her weakened state denies me. In the same way, we should long to break through that glass and have a relationship with Christ. It is our weakened state that denies us that full relationship, but we have a hope that as we strive to become more like Christ, our relationship can grow and eventually be full.
The past several days, Mom has mentioned several times people she knows that are lost. She wants to be sure they have the blog address so they can hear her testimony and come to know the Lord. I’m sure none of you are surprised that the eternal lives of others are her greatest concern as she endures this trial.
We are still praying for a miracle. Thank you for all your prayers and support.
Josh
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