Tuesday, August 12, 2008

August 12, 2008-Our Thirty-First Wedding Anniversary

August 12, 2008-The Thirty-First anniversary of our wedding

My Dearest Debbie:

I was told that to recover from the loss of someone you love you must say one thousand good byes.

I started the process of saying good bye before you ever left us. I met with out children about two weeks before you left us and encouraged each one of them to personally tell you four things.

"Tell your Mom that you love her. Tell your Mom why you love her. Tell your Mom anything you regret and ask her to forgive you. Tell your Mom good bye, for now. Tell her that you know you will see her again, even if she has to leave us now."

I knew that saying good bye would be the hardest thing for them to say. It really has not gotten any easier up to this point in my journey.

As far as I know, each one our children had a last private conversation with you in our bed room. You greeted them with your ever so, “You’re the most important person in the world look.” They shared their heart. You hung on every word like you were listening to the most important message you had ever heard. You thanked them like they had just given you the most valuable gift you had ever received. You shared your hope and dreams for them. You told them how proud you were of them. You hugged them and told them you loved them.

No, I was not there and I have not discussed the details with all the children. But I just know you, better than anyone who ever knew you.

Today would have been our 31 wedding anniversary. I remember the day like it was yesterday. We were so young. You were so beautiful. I knew I was receiving a great gift from God. But I really had no idea how blessed I would be. Your love for me was beyond measure. I did not know that it was possible be so loved by another. For this reason, our relationship became my greatest passion other than my relationship with Jesus. I woke up each morning looking forward to what the day would bring with you at my side.

Thank you for loving me beyond measure. Thank you for being my most loyal friend. Thank you for always believing in me even after I hurt you or disappointed you. Thank you for giving me children and believing in my children. Their most difficult times are when they are facing giants. They miss hearing you say how proud you are to be their Mom. They miss hearing you say that you know they will do great. They miss hearing you say that they did great even when they know it was not their best performance. You are such a great Mom. You were such a great wife to me. Happy Anniversary!

That is one of the strange things about heaven. You will always be their Mom. But you will not always be my wife. We fulfilled our vows to one another the moment you left. Our marriage ended but your life as the children’s Mom will never end. You will never be replaced. I believe they will call you Mom on the new earth with its new heaven.

It was very difficult for me to accept at first that I would not always call you my wife. I could not comprehend that we would not have the same relationship in heaven. I searched the scriptures on many occasions to see if there was any loop hole. I could not find one. On August 12, 1977, we both said till death separates us. On May 3, 2007, our marriage ended and I had to say good bye to it.

Saying good bye to our marriage was and is such a painful struggle. I remember the day I took off my wedding ring. It was about five months after you left us. I was painting something at our home. I had taken my ring off to paint and had laid it on my dresser. After I finished, I went to the dresser to put my ring back on. I picked it up, looked at it, and knew it was time. I shed many tears as I put it in the drawer with some of my other personal items. It was one of those one thousand painful good byes.

I am amazed that the impression made by my wedding ring on my finger can still be seen nearly a year later. It has faded. The impression that you made on my heart will never fade. I will love you forever.

On this the anniversary of our wedding, I want you to know there is a new impression being formed on my heart. I often wonder if you know such things as they are happening on earth.

For the first eight and one half months after you went to heaven, I didn’t think it would be possible for me to have the kind of love we shared with someone else. During one of my most desperate times before you left, you had said to me with an amazing tone of understanding, “you will remarry.”

This new impression on my heart was made suddenly. It was so unexpected. It was confusing, at first. I felt disloyal to you and to my children.

But as I got to know Saundra Cobbs, it became so apparent to me that God was leading us together.

I was acquainted with Saundra’s husband John. John passed away suddenly on January 25, 2007. I attended John’s funeral on January 31. The funeral was on the day that you completed your sixth and last scheduled treatment. I got you settled that morning at OU Presbyterian Hospital and left for the funeral in Edmond. You assured me you would be fine. You were so looking forward to finishing this marathon.

It was very cold and it snowed that day. I sat in the very top of the auditorium at First Baptist Edmond. It looked as though there were several thousand people in attendance. Many of my friends from my graduating class high school were there because John Cobbs attended Del City High School.

I was greatly moved and challenged by the message of John’s life. He was a Pastor himself. He served in several churches and when he left his family, he was the associate Pastor at First Baptist Edmond. He was a wonderful man, husband, father, son, brother, friend, and Pastor. He touched so many lives. He was quite the evangelist, like you. I did not speak to the family that day. I left quickly to get back to you.

Then you left us on May 3. Eight months later, our dear friend Kathy Law told me that John’s wife Saundra was really suffering. I thought I could help because I could identify with her pain. I thought she might want to talk with someone who understood her loss. I thought I could use a new friend.

I called her. That first phone call led to our first meeting. We met at Charleston’s in Edmond. At that meeting, we told our stories of our love and our loss. We both shed many tears.

I did not fall in love with Saundra that day. I left the restaurant grateful for a new friend and feeling very sorry for Saundra, her four children, and their family.

I did feel very comfortable talking with her. In spite of our different spiritual journeys and the differences in our families, I discovered that we had a lot in common. We were both committed followers of Christ, graduates of Del City High School, attended First Southern Baptist Church as teens, had long successful marriages , were the parents of many older children, loved family, had served in full time ministry in churches, loved sports-especially basketball, loved OU, loved walking, etc., and even loved green tea.

Before we left Charleston’s I asked Saundra if I could call her again to check on how she was doing. In subsequent conversations, I began to see that Saundra is a wonderful Christian woman. I saw that she was a devoted wife and is a devoted mother. I saw that she had very high expectations for her own personal character. I saw she was a servant of servants who lives to make others successful, especially her children. I saw she was full of wisdom and loves to learn-always reading and asking questions, a great listener. I saw she is extremely bright. I saw she has strong beliefs and convictions that she wants to pass on to her children and to others. I saw she is a loyal friend who is very generous but she will not hesitate to speak the truth. I saw she is a hard worker with what appears to be an almost limitless supply of energy. I saw she was someone with whom I could have fun. I saw someone who could be a great friend to our children.

Because of what I saw and admired about Saundra, I discovered a new impression was being made upon my heart, next to the one I have for you.

I proposed marriage to Saundra and to my surprise, she has accepted. I can hear you laugh when I tell you this. When our closest friends began to ask me about remarriage, I told them that I applied to e-harmony and that I was rejected. I was joking of course but I thought it would be impossible for a Pastor with eight children to match up with anyone. But Saundra loves me deeply. She loves our children and I love hers. Our children think she is awesome. This is a miracle to me because they have such an awesome Mom.

Today at 2:00pm I had an appointment to look at a home in Edmond for our families. I believe that was the time of our wedding in Shawnee, Oklahoma, 31 years ago. The house reminded me of the home in which we married, the President’s mansion at Oklahoma Baptist University. You need a mansion when you are the parents of 12 children.

It is so hard to believe our family is experiencing so many dramatic changes. But none of our changes compare to the dramatic change that you experienced on May 3, 2007. You left our home and entered your new mansion. You saw Jesus face to face. You saw your beloved Mom and met mine for the first time. You finished your journey here and starting a new one that is greater than any dreams we shared together. Now, I am starting a new journey of my own.

I know you are well and happy. I envy you. We all miss you. And on this the thirty first anniversary of our wedding, I say good bye one more time, until that day. I am sure there will be others, for me; and for Saundra to John. She understands.

I love you Debbie.

Until that day!

Jerry