Mercy injured her knee. It happened in a basketball game on Friday night. It appears that her knee has some serious damage. We will know for sure after an MRI early next week.
I was not there. I was attending an elders retreat with the elders of our church. After the injury occurred, Mercy’s first response was I have got to get up and get back into the game. It was only after her coach prompted her to lie still that she died to this desire.
After being carried to the bench, Mercy realized her family was not there. She experienced one of those emotional melt downs that we have all grown accustomed to in the last eight months. Mom was gone for good. She would not be coming to comfort her and encourage her.
Within minutes family did arrive. After the game, Mercy felt well enough to go eat and visit with friends. Later that evening, she went with her sister and brother to some of our dear friends to spend the night. In spite of a broken heart and an injured knee, Mercy still enjoyed life and was an encouragement to others.
The human spirit is amazing. It is amazing what we can endure and then still laugh and have hope. I remember the first basketball game Mercy tried to play after her mother died. The game started. She quickly scored her first two points. She listened for that familiar voice cheering her on. She looked to the chair place where her mother would normally sit. Overcome with emotion she ran from the gym and could not continue.
Now, eight months later, she is trying to continue with a bum knee. She still has the melt down but she recovers and is able to still enjoy life and encourage others in spite of a broken heart and a bum knee. These are all signs that she is healing. She has not forgotten. She never will. But her human spirit is strong. I am proud of her!
Mercy is like her mother. She looks like her; what a beauty! She is a social butterfly. She loves people. She hurts when people hurt. She knows how to encourage people. She loves the truth. She quickly discerns the truth. She will speak the truth even when it is difficult. She can speak the truth in such a way that causes you to say spank me again. What a gift!
This did not happen by accident. Debbie was so serious about her legacy and her example to her children. Mercy has chosen to carry on that legacy. It just so happens that she has so many of the natural attributes of her Mom.
I am proud of Mercy. God’s mercy is new every morning and so is my Mercy. Some people can make you dread the future. Mercy gives me hope for a future of other Mercy’s; thanks to her mother and Debbie’s concern for her legacy.
We should never underestimate the impact the way we live will have upon others; especially your children, when they go thru difficult seasons of their life. You will always be remembered for something. You will always have an impact on the choices your children make and how they endure their own personal trials. They will remember you. What will they remember?
I am so grateful to Debbie for leaving me with such a legacy. I am so sorry she had to leave. She could not be there for Mercy Friday night. But she was there; thru Mercy Marie!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Discouragement
Debbie used to tell me, “Some people in your family and people that you Pastor do not believe that you have feelings.” I could just roll with the punches without giving any indication that I was suffering; most of the time I was not. If I was suffering, a few minutes on my face would be sufficient to get myself together.
People can be brutal. As James Taylor said, “They will hurt you and desert you; they will take your soul if you let them.”
Death is much worse. There is a good reason it is called the last enemy. There are not adequate words to describe how it devastates your soul. Your soul is never the same.
One of the ways that it has affected my soul is that I get discouraged easier. I was never one to seriously consider throwing in the towel. Pit Bull would describe my determination with regards to something I believed was right. Now I get discouraged easier. Debbie would say at times when she was discouraged, “Lord, just take me home.” Now I understand.
Fortunately I am very open about my feelings of discouragement with those who are closest to me; God first and then the other significant others in my life. I can dump with the best of them.
When you are suffering from discouragement, I hope that you have these kinds of relationships. I hope you have significant others that will let you dump on them.
They need to be good listeners. God certainly is. They need to be willing to listen without preaching to you. They need to be able to say, “I am soooooo…. Sorry.” They need to be able to give you hugs. They need to be compassionate. They need to be able to pray with you and groan with you.
I just described myself, now. This is another way that Death has changed me. I get discouraged easier but I also comfort others better. I guess to have one you have got to have the other. Is it worth it?
I think so. It is certainly worth it to those who know the new me. There letters of response to my updates seem to say so. This gives me hope in the midst of the pain. There is something dynamic that happens in our soul when we are helping others that are suffering. It increases our capacity and our willingness to endure pain. It heals our own soul. If we are not actively helping others, we do not see the purpose. It does not seem to be worth it.
I am a Pastor. I have a pulpit. I have an audience on the internet as well. Most people do not have these avenues. Find one! That’s my advice. Find an avenue to help people who are suffering like you are suffering. Join a grief support group in your church or your community; not for you; for them. Start serving a local hospital. I know people who spend a few hours each week just holding babies who are suffering. Make a list of lonely shut ins and start visiting them. There is always the local nursing home.
It will change you. It will heal you; over time; but not completely. I believe God will always allow us to hurt to some degree over our loss. It makes us a better minister. Join me!
People can be brutal. As James Taylor said, “They will hurt you and desert you; they will take your soul if you let them.”
Death is much worse. There is a good reason it is called the last enemy. There are not adequate words to describe how it devastates your soul. Your soul is never the same.
One of the ways that it has affected my soul is that I get discouraged easier. I was never one to seriously consider throwing in the towel. Pit Bull would describe my determination with regards to something I believed was right. Now I get discouraged easier. Debbie would say at times when she was discouraged, “Lord, just take me home.” Now I understand.
Fortunately I am very open about my feelings of discouragement with those who are closest to me; God first and then the other significant others in my life. I can dump with the best of them.
When you are suffering from discouragement, I hope that you have these kinds of relationships. I hope you have significant others that will let you dump on them.
They need to be good listeners. God certainly is. They need to be willing to listen without preaching to you. They need to be able to say, “I am soooooo…. Sorry.” They need to be able to give you hugs. They need to be compassionate. They need to be able to pray with you and groan with you.
I just described myself, now. This is another way that Death has changed me. I get discouraged easier but I also comfort others better. I guess to have one you have got to have the other. Is it worth it?
I think so. It is certainly worth it to those who know the new me. There letters of response to my updates seem to say so. This gives me hope in the midst of the pain. There is something dynamic that happens in our soul when we are helping others that are suffering. It increases our capacity and our willingness to endure pain. It heals our own soul. If we are not actively helping others, we do not see the purpose. It does not seem to be worth it.
I am a Pastor. I have a pulpit. I have an audience on the internet as well. Most people do not have these avenues. Find one! That’s my advice. Find an avenue to help people who are suffering like you are suffering. Join a grief support group in your church or your community; not for you; for them. Start serving a local hospital. I know people who spend a few hours each week just holding babies who are suffering. Make a list of lonely shut ins and start visiting them. There is always the local nursing home.
It will change you. It will heal you; over time; but not completely. I believe God will always allow us to hurt to some degree over our loss. It makes us a better minister. Join me!
Monday, January 07, 2008
The New Year
Our Christmas holidays were better than I anticipated. We certainly had our moments. But overall, we enjoyed the holidays. If you have been where we have been, you know that is an absolute miracle. You tend to wonder in your dark times if you will ever feel happy again without also experiencing suffocating sorrow. Three of my older children told me that it was the best Christmas Eve they had ever experienced. And Christmas Day with the Burgess and Richey tribe is always delightful.
Now we face our very first new year without Debbie. One of my best friends and Debbie’s best friends recently said to me, “The older I get, the less I know.” Tragedy like ours makes you feel this way. Certainly this does not mean I know less of God’s moral code or the scripture. I am a lot wiser today than I was at age 17 when Jesus found me. Certainly this does not refer my knowledge of God’s love and how I need to show it to others. That has grown as well.
The less I know refers to the way God chooses to show His love to us. His ways are higher than our ways.
Do you believe that God always does what is best for us? Isn’t that one of the definitions of love? Somehow God always does what is best for His glory and what is best for His children. They are like two rails of a rail road track with regards to God’s plan for our life.
This means every tragedy is best for God’s glory and best for us. This means a husband losing his beloved wife is best for him. This means a ten year old boy losing his mother is best for him. This means “The older I get, the less I know.” Get it?
This also means the older I get the less I know what is best for other people with regards to God’s glory and God’s will. Once again, I can tell anyone it is not best to violate God’s moral code. The consequences will be very painful. But with regards to so many other decisions that people make. “The older I get, the less I know.”
If it is best for children to lose their mother during the prime of her life and I am not their father, who am I to say what is best for those children and their future? Who am I to say what is best for you? “The older I get, the less I know.”
In 2008, come on down off your throne and join me down here with the rest of us former know it alls. Come on down before your next tragedy knocks you down. We are a lot less critical down here and a lot more compassionate and understanding. We are a lot happier. We are also easier to like; like my beloved Debbie Wells. I am sorry that it took her death for me to understand.
Now we face our very first new year without Debbie. One of my best friends and Debbie’s best friends recently said to me, “The older I get, the less I know.” Tragedy like ours makes you feel this way. Certainly this does not mean I know less of God’s moral code or the scripture. I am a lot wiser today than I was at age 17 when Jesus found me. Certainly this does not refer my knowledge of God’s love and how I need to show it to others. That has grown as well.
The less I know refers to the way God chooses to show His love to us. His ways are higher than our ways.
Do you believe that God always does what is best for us? Isn’t that one of the definitions of love? Somehow God always does what is best for His glory and what is best for His children. They are like two rails of a rail road track with regards to God’s plan for our life.
This means every tragedy is best for God’s glory and best for us. This means a husband losing his beloved wife is best for him. This means a ten year old boy losing his mother is best for him. This means “The older I get, the less I know.” Get it?
This also means the older I get the less I know what is best for other people with regards to God’s glory and God’s will. Once again, I can tell anyone it is not best to violate God’s moral code. The consequences will be very painful. But with regards to so many other decisions that people make. “The older I get, the less I know.”
If it is best for children to lose their mother during the prime of her life and I am not their father, who am I to say what is best for those children and their future? Who am I to say what is best for you? “The older I get, the less I know.”
In 2008, come on down off your throne and join me down here with the rest of us former know it alls. Come on down before your next tragedy knocks you down. We are a lot less critical down here and a lot more compassionate and understanding. We are a lot happier. We are also easier to like; like my beloved Debbie Wells. I am sorry that it took her death for me to understand.
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